Avoiding Bedtime Battles

Bedtime battles are a common problem for parents of young kids. Unfortunately, these battles get played out at the time of day when you're most likely to be running low on energy, patience and creativity. So what's an exhausted—and frustrated—parent to do? Why, pull out the ultimate parenting ace card, of course: your child's love of routine.

Young children thrive on routine—and are freaked out by even the most minute deviation from that routine. (Just try reading your kid his bedtime story before rather than after his bath and you'll see this first hand!) Given that children are such creatures of habit, it only makes sense to put that love of routine to work for you at bedtime. Here are a few tips:

Come up with a standard bedtime routine that will signal to your child that it's almost time to go to bed. You should aim for a gradual winding down that consists of a predictable series of events—perhaps a snack followed by tooth-brushing, a quiet bath, soothing music, a story and a quick cuddle. Don't go overboard with the bedtime snack, however, or your child may have trouble sleeping. And don't feel obligated to devote hours of your evening to carrying out this bedtime routine; sleep experts have found that a half-hour wind-down will do the trick for most young kids.

(If your child finds his bath stimulating rather than soothing, you'll want to do his bath at another time of day.)

Try to work as many choices as possible into your child's bedtime routine. This will help to elicit his cooperation. Although you won't want to flirt with disaster by giving him the choice of whether or not to go to bed, you're probably perfectly okay with letting him decide what toys he would like to take in the tub, what he would like to wear to bed, and what bedtime stories he would like you to read to him.

Give your child the chance to get himself to sleep. Don't rock him to sleep or lay down beside him until he dozes off, or he may awaken in a panic in the middle of the night when he realizes that you're not there. (Note: If you're already in the habit of rocking your child to sleep or laying down with him, you'll want to wean him off this habit sooner rather than later. Children who aren't able to get themselves to sleep are more prone to night waking than other kids.)

Accept the fact that your child may need a period of quiet play before he's able to settle down for the night. You may hear him babbling to himself or quietly playing with his toys for a half-hour or even longer. Instead of sweating the fact that he didn't go to sleep right away, applaud the fact that he's mastering the art of getting himself to sleep.

If you find that your child is having a great deal of difficulty settling down for the night, it could be because he isn't tired quite yet. You may try moving his bedtime back by an hour or two or think about eliminating one or both of his naps.

If your child seems panicked at the thought of being away from you, promise him that you'll come back if he needs you and then make a point of responding to him right away when he calls. (Note: You may find yourself making a lot of treks to his room at first, but over time he'll feel less of a need to test your willingness to deliver on your promise, or at least that's the theory!)

Don't be so rigid with your child's bedtime routine that you're afraid to move his bedtime up by a half-hour or so if he's showing signs of being sleepy. It's best to respond to these early warning signals of tiredness rather than allow you child to become extremely sleepy. If you wait too long before trying to put him to bed, he may end up getting his second wind, which can make it extremely challenging to get him to wind down for the evening. You'll also want to start teaching him to recognize these signs of tiredness for himself; that way, as he gets older, he'll be able to train his body to succumb to sleep as soon he recognizes the signs.