Parenting a "Difficult" or Spirited Child

Parenting a difficult or spirited child can try the patience of a saint. Here are some tips for holding on to what's left of your sanity if you've been blessed with an extra-challenging kid:

Remind yourself that your child's temperament is something with which she was born. She isn't being intense or moody just to drive you crazy, even though there may be days when you swear that's the case!

Try to see your child's challenging traits in a more positive light. Instead of thinking of your child as stubborn, see your child as persistent. Instead of seeing your child as bossy, recognize your child's budding leadership abilities. Also recognize that a supposedly negative trait can be a good thing under different circumstances, and vice versa.

Accentuate your child's positives. Rather than focusing on the things about your child that are driving you crazy, focus on the things that you like and admire most about her. Instead of complaining about how picky your child is—the downside of extreme sensitivity—try to remind yourself how she can use that sensitivity to change the world through her art, her music or her writing.

Keep your expectations realisitc. Make a point of praising your child for any improvements you note in her behavior. Remember: It's progress, not perfection that you're after.

Learn how to pick your battles. If you've got the kind of child who is willing to battle you on everything from sun-up to sun-down, you're going to have to choose your battles. Otherwise, you're going to feel totally fried before you even get through breakfast.

Everyone remain calm. Try to keep your cool as much as possible, even if your child is somehow managing to push each and every one of your buttons at the same time. Although emitting a primal scream may feel good in the heat of the moment, becoming overly emotional or angry with your child tends to be counterproductive in the long run. If you need to let off steam, do yourself and your child a favor and pick up the phone and call a friend instead.

Anticipate the knowing sidelong glances of other parents. Some parents with easy kids are unlikely to understand the challenges with which you're dealing. They may even label you a "bad parent" and your child "a bad kid." Although the kind of temperament your kid ends up with is pretty much a roll of the dice, parents of easy kids are sometimes guilty of giving themselves too much credit for what simply amounts to biological good luck. You'll be more likely to find support and understanding if you turn to other parents who are dealing with challenging kids than if you attempt to raid the ranks of parents with the easy kids.

Take breaks from your child. Parenting is exhausting at the best of times, and parenting an extra-challenging child will drain your parenting reservoirs all the sooner, so make sure that you schedule breaks from your child on a regular basis. Despite what some people would have you believe, martydom is not part of the motherhood job description, so don't ask yourself to play the part.