Cash and Bentley's Birth Story
Unfortunately, due to the economy, we both lost our jobs that winter. Needless to say, things were a bit stressful, but thankfully, we had top-notch unemployment benefits ... I decided I needed to be productive and move forward in life, instead of taking a vacation from 60-hour work weeks. Instead of working, I thought it would be a good idea to continue my education. I knew I needed something M-F 9-6, great benefits and job security ... SILLY ME got talked into starting a medical assisting program above the gym. I was insanely working out at every day ... lol.
I went in to see how pregnant I really was. I thought I was further along than expected and they scheduled an ultrasound for December 9 ... and I was only 6 weeks ;c) HUGE relief I wouldn't have a child with fetal alcohol syndrome! lol.
As Josh and I waited eagerly to see our little pea for the first time, I noticed a second pea to the side ... hmmm?!? I asked the ultrasound tech if that was another baby or my wishful thinking (ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted TWINS)! The man replied that yes, "it appears to be another baby but it will most likely be absorbed by the next ultrasound" ... What?!?! Who says that???? (Apparently one out of eight pregnancies starts as a twin and only one in 33 survive to actually be "twins" ) ***one in 285 chance of having identical twins***
OBVIOUSLY he was wrong and I was officially pregnant with twins and DUE AUGUST 5, 2010 (the day before my 22nd birthday - I ALWAYS said I wanted to be a mom by age 22 lol). I had the worst morning sickness you could imagine - everything with twins is DOUBLE! The growing, expanding, muscle cramps ... EVERYTHING is worse. I continued to attend school every day and received a 97 percent or higher in every class ( NOT hard, I'm not giving myself props). The point is that I sat sideways on the couch with books on my legs doing homework for hours, sat in class or on my feet in lab, drove a car with no AC, spent too long putting on socks ... not to mention the TWO car accidents in which someone hit me! Geez ... I worked my pregnant ass off until the beginning of June in school, just to pack up and move to Vancouver from Tigard ... SUCKKKK!
At this time I had already been warned I was in danger of preterm labor and increased chance of preeclampsia. In a matter of three weeks, I gained 60 pounds of water and counting. My blood pressure was HIGH and I had contractions from 30 weeks on. I was beyond miserable. I sobbed every time the doctors wouldn't admit me and take them out. My body was shutting down and I felt like I was dying!!!! I had severe preeclampsia and edema. FINALLY I was admitted on June 28, 2010, and told I was scheduled the next day at noon for a C-section. THANK GOD!!! Little did we know ...
Being wheeled into the operation room is a surreal feeling. I was ready for a spinal and ready to meet our babies!!! We were stopped after entering the first set of doors and told I would have to come back at 12:30pm because they were running a little behind. WHAT?!? Immediately I was hysterical. I could NOT wait. They put me in my room and alone I had to deal with the discomfort of hugging my knees while they stick a tube in my spine ... woo hoo.
I was told my lungs were full of fluid as well, and as a result, the medication affected my ability to breathe. That seemed to be a simple thing to fix - get the babies out and the water. But I continued to get worse. My oxygen was less than 50 percent, my veins collapsed after several IV attempts - it took four tries at the PIC line. I had ultrasounds, chest X-rays, even an MRI to determine why I was not getting better, but WORSE! After being placed on the "Death and Dying" floor, Josh and my Mom had to discuss the possibility of me not being around to raise these babies. One of my nurses even stayed overnight thinking I wouldn't make it or be intubated (requires being placed in a coma) ... I was hallucinating, seeing wings on my mother, a black bird fly across the room, I even thought one of our friends was a duffel bag ... lol ... My mother documented a few of the things I said. She stayed by my side while Josh stayed with the boys in the NICU.
I remember my mother telling me I needed to stay alive to be a mother to these boys and that was my mission in life, I had been chosen to carry not one, but TWO amazing little beings. I don't know what happened but I fought with everything I had to stay alive for these two little boys. As the pain meds wore off, I started to become more coherent and can REMEMBER seeing my Cash Ryland and Bentley Jax for the first time (five days after they were born). I remember their belly buttons were dried up and fell off soon after. I spent another two nights in the hospital, looking at pictures of my boys on my hospital room walls. I knew they were close, but I couldn't touch them. It is a devastating feeling. Tears are running down my face as I can remember packing up my things to be released, knowing I had to leave the hospital empty-handed. I had been to hell and came back to life for THEM and now I had to leave them behind.
As Josh and I rode home, only silence and tears filled the air ...
... They are my life, my love, my EVERYTHING ...
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