Newborn Baby Care: Supermom in the Suburbs
Submitted by Stevi
I'm mom to a 2 1/2-month-old. On a regular day, newborn baby care is a blissful/stressful job. But so far today, it's been blissful, stressful and downright bizarre.
Step 1: I wake up way later than I planned. I guess I might need to start setting my alarm clock again.
Step 2: I rush into the shower while the baby is still sleeping. Success!
Step 3: I put my pajamas back on (they haven't been spit upon or pooped on yet, so I can't be frivolously changing clothes. I already have way too much laundry as it is).
Step 4: I hurry to make coffee. This is a long process lately since our house is on the market. We have our coffeemaker packed up, so I actually have to boil water and pour it through the little plastic coffee filter. I forgot what it's like to live without the automatic coffeemaker. I don't like it. (Yes, I am breastfeeding, but I only drink ½-caffeinated.)
Step 5: My son woke up! Time to retrieve baby.
Step 6: I get baby ready for his day.
Step 7: I get the newspaper off the porch and realize that there are two days' worth of newspapers still on the coffee table. I venture outside with baby to put them in the recycle bin.
Step 8: I get my socks wet outside.
Step 9: I realize the door is locked!
Step 10: I realize all the doors to the house are locked!!
Step 11: I begin to panic. I have no key to get in, and more importantly, NO DIAPERS! No matter what I figure out to do, the baby cannot make it through a whole day without a fresh diaper. Even if I could get to the store, I can't go there wearing wet socks. Plus, I have no phone. I could go to my neighbor's house, but even if I had a phone I couldn't call my husband to come home since he's administering standardized tests at school. The baby is starting to get cold.
Step 12: I start checking windows in vain. I am a compulsive window locker. WAIT! My husband isn't a window locker. The two bathroom windows are unlocked!
Step 13: I try to figure out how to climb up on a stool and through one of two tiny windows, lower myself down onto the toilet (yes, toilets are under the window in both cases, and yes, both lids are up), and not hurt/drop the baby. Meanwhile, my dogs escape out of the backyard and start to pee in the neighbor's yard.
Step 14: I put the dogs back in the yard and decide the window-with-baby maneuver is too risky.
Step 15: I look around to find somewhere to put the baby while I climb through the window. The car is out of the question. You guessed it: It's LOCKED! The grass won't work, it's cold and wet, the patio furniture is hard and the baby could roll off, but, ah hah! The recycle bin (why this whole mess started) might be just the ticket!
Step 16: I rearrange the newspapers in the bin, covering plastic juice bottles, glass root beer bottles and milk cartons the best I can. I try to line the side of the sticky recycle bin so the baby won't get any gunk on his face in the event that he tips.
Step 17: I prop baby up on garbage inside the recycle bin which I have lovingly placed on the porch so I can get him out as soon as possible.
Step 18: I run and wiggle myself up and over the window in a limbo-type move that I thought I couldn't perform anymore. I barely avoid sticking my muddy socks in the toilet bowl. I forget to shut the window.
Step 19: I retrieve the baby from the recycle bin. I feel like a terrible mother. He's a little cold, but otherwise seems happy.
Step 20: I check and, JOY OF JOYS! My coffee is still warm, so my water-boiling has not been in vain!
Step 21: I wonder if any other mothers out there have had to go through such grueling experiences in newborn baby care. If so, I want to hear them.
Submit!
