Open Child Adoption Pros and Cons
Open adoption, where contact—and sometimes a relationship—continue with the birth mother and biological family, is still relatively rare, and it is a source of great controversy among child adoption professionals.
The jury is still out regarding positive versus negative outcomes. On the pro side, open adoption may help eliminate the secrecy and unrealistic fantasies that have been so damaging for many adopted children and teens. On the con side, birth mothers who see their children may suffer more than those who don't; and frequent contact with the birth mother may increase a child's confusion and insecurity. The child may wonder, If she gave me away, what is she doing here? Can she take me back? The child may feel torn and become a skilled manipulator, as in divorce cases.
In a situation where there have been numerous failed infertility treatments and fears about possibly losing a child back to the birth mother, I would certainly not recommend open adoption. Even though in reality the probability of having to relinquish a child back to a biological mother is extremely slight, the competitive issues (for the child's love, attachment and bonding) might be too stressful for you and not in the child's best interest.