Child Adoption: Preparing Biological Children for an Adopted Sibling
The no. 1 key to success with any new situation—especially child adoption—is education. I would encourage all three of you to do research together on the Internet. There are a tremendous number of resources available regarding adoption, trauma, attachment and children from institutionalized settings. There are also a number of resources in the form of DVDs and audio CDs that might be more in line with the learning styles of your teens.
From a relational perspective, it is going to be important to give your children reassurance as to the connections they have with you. No matter what the age of a child, additional siblings can threaten any parent/child relationship. As you move through this child adoption process, stay connected with your children; lovingly accept and be open to ALL of their feelings—even if they become resentful. Support them through the process and acknowledge their need to re-establish relational balance and security.