Unsolicited Advice for My Picky Eater
Submitted by
Deva Dalporto
If one more person tells me what to feed my daughter, I'm going to lose it!
My 1-year-old is tiny. Not 5th-percentile-tiny, but tiny, tiny. Like not-on-the-growth-chart tiny. She's apparently so alarmingly tiny that people assume I am a total idiot and don't feed her.
"Have you tried noodles?" some random sancti-mommy once asked. Hmmmm, noodles. What an ingenious suggestion. Why the heck didn't I think of that? Yes, I've tried noodles! Considering that's pretty much all any kid under the age of 9 eats, odds are I've tried freakin' noodles. "Um lady, have you tried Weight Watchers? It can really help drop those pregnancy pounds. Oops, did I offend you? Just trying to be helpful!"
At least that's what I wanted to say.
Even my mom gets in on the game. She'll call me up and cry, "I got it! You should try Similac!" As if that wasn't the first thing the doctors suggested when my daughter began falling off the charts. As if I haven't been ramming a bottle/spoon/sippy cup down her esophagus for the past 12 months begging her to take a sip. As if this weren't stressful enough, I have to deal with all of my mom's inane remarks, too.
Bottom line: I'm trying, people. I've tried noodles. I've tried formula. I've tried pork rinds dipped in hummus, smothered with corn syrup and bacon fat. I've tried everything. My kid is just small. Got that?
Submit!
