The Sleep Lady Shuffle: What It Is and How to Do It!

In the first months of baby's life, we concentrate on soothing techniques and establishing some basic rhythms to help babies learn to sleep. But from about six months on kids can begin to learn to sleep on their own without us interfering and we can begin sleep coaching. A central aspect of sleep coaching is the "Sleep Lady Shuffle." Think of it as a kind of weaning for sleep.

The Shuffle varies subtly depending on how old your kid is, but it goes something like this:

• You, your spouse or partner, are going to start out seated by your child's crib or bed, where you can easily comfort and reassure her with your touch and words.
• Every three days, you are going to move a little farther away. First across the room, then to the doorway, then right out in the hall, but you will still be able to soothe her. Sometimes I advise parents to sleep on a mattress or sleeping bag in the baby's room for a few nights, as a reassuring prelude. Sometimes if a baby is responding very quickly to the changes, I have the parent move through the Shuffle more rapidly.
• Finally you will be able to leave her alone for five minutes at a time so she can sleep on her own. This may sound like a huge leap for you, but it's not so huge for your kid. If you follow the shuffle, you've already given her nearly two weeks to prepare for this big moment!

Here are some tips for success:

• Stay with your child until she goes to sleep or back to sleep completely at which point you may leave the room.
• Convey a sleepy-time message: Shh-shh or short soft singing is better then a full dialogue.
• You may pick your child up to calm her down but do not hold her until she's asleep.
• Whatever physical and verbal reassurance you offer do not do it constantly or it will become a new sleep crutch!
• Respond to all wakenings in the night and resume your Shuffle position.

To give a kid a consistent response, use the Shuffle at bedtime, for middle-of-the-night wakings and in many cases for naps too. As you soothe your kid less, she'll learn to soothe herself more by sucking a finger, twirling her hair, nestling into her blanket or snuggling up to a teddy bear. As you slowly and gently move away at bedtime and during the night, you're letting your kid build confidence that you are still nearby and responsive. She'll learn "Mommy is there for me even though I can't see her." "Daddy is nearby and loves me." She will be ready to sleep on her own, if you let her. In all probability you will still face some tears during the Shuffle, but generally much less than the hours parents commonly report in the crying-it-out and extinction methods. And usually you are close by and comforting her when she does cry, which is far less stressful for the parents. Be sure to check out my detailed instructions on how to do Step 1, Step 2 and Step 3 of the Sleep Lady Shuffle!
Do you think this will work? Are you committed to sitting by her side until she dozes off? Have you ever tried to let your kid cry it out? What happened? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
More sleep advice articles:

• Commit to Getting Your Kid to Sleep
• Educate Yourself About Your Child’s Sleep
• Start a Sleep Log
• The Importance of Consistency When Sleep Coaching
• Create a Soothing Bedtime Routine
• Create a Sleep-Friendly Bedroom
• The Importance of Putting Your Kid to Sleep "Drowsy but Awake"
• Do Step 1 of the Sleep Lady Shuffle
• Do Step 2 of the Sleep Lady Shuffle
• Do Step 3 of the Sleep Lady Shuffle
• Be Your Kid's Nap Coach
• Check Off Your Sleep Coaching Checklist
• Create a Solid Sleep Plan
• Nightmares and Night Terrors (And How to Tell the Difference)
• Potty Training and Sleep
• End Early Rising
• The Sleep Lady on Transitioning Your Kid from a Crib to a Big-Kid Bed
• Ending Bedtime Stalling