Kids With Special Needs: Adjusting and Coping
He hasn't had much interaction with his biological dad since he was about a year old. Recently he has moved back to town and is staying with my family until he gets on his feet (I'm trying to be helpful to my son). I thought that even though Malikye has his daddy (my husband), having his father in his life would be a great thing.
My son has been verbally abusive (no swearing, just hurtful and disobedient) and has physically attacked his father on several occasions when we have not been there. I feel so bad at what his father has went through at the hands of this child. (I'm not mad at my baby—he can't help it, he can't control his emotions.) My ex refuses to nip it in the bud. The ways we have expressed work safety holds, rest of the day in his room if its late in the day, removal of items that make Malikye happy like the TV or toys) and I think he won't out of feelings of guilt for not being there. But that is just the tip of the iceburg.
Malikye started back to school on Thursday and it was a major change there as well. Last year he went to an awesome special ed preschool designed with kids like him in mind specifically. They felt Malikye was ready for kindergarten and set it up even though I had my doubts. I figured they dealt with him in a different setting so I trusted that. Well ...(sigh) I went for orientation and things seemed all good, with him having not only a para but a special ed director who would spend partial mornings/afternoons with him. I was concerned with their "time-out" room because it looked like a padded cell minus the padding (my son is destructive to items and himself so all I thought was, "OMG, if he throws himself down, he's gonna get hurt," and he is far from a small child—94 lbs and almost 4 ft tall), but I gave them my cell and told them ANY kind of bad behavior don't hesitate to call.
The first day was a little trying but only in the early morning and right before the end of the day. The second day was a disaster. Malikye was hitting and kicking and biting and running away and being a holy terror. I have not seen him this extreme since he 1st started preschool. I am praying this is just a phase because it hurts me to see my normally loving, gentle-natured son act like an out of control beast.
I feel so ashamed when I get mad at him but then I get mad that I feel ashamed of my sweet boy going through a tough time. This has driven me to tears. I have told the school about what helps him, but who knows if they are following it. It's all in his IEP, but I dont know. We have used picture charts and checklists with pictures where he gets smiley faces when he follows routine and frownies for not so good behaviors and we chart them so when he gets to a whole week of good faces he gets to pick a reward, but even that's not effective. And knowing food is a trigger for him I have offered to send him healthy snacks in his backpack, but they have complied with his wishes for sugary crap to appease him.
I am at my wit's end. Advice or at least maybe some moral support please?