How to Talk to Your Teen About Bullying
Suicides by teens who have been harassed by bullying and cyberbullying (bullying by electronic means such as email, Facebook, on websites or via text message) are in the news and on the minds of parents everywhere. But rather than simply worrying and hovering over your teen, it's important to address the topic NOW, before any situation in your teen's life escalates.
Here are some tips and tools for talking about the situation with your teens and preteens, with help from Dr. Vicki Panaccione and PACER's National Center for Bullying Prevention.
Here are some tips and tools for talking about the situation with your teens and preteens, with help from Dr. Vicki Panaccione and PACER's National Center for Bullying Prevention.
Open the Conversation—Don't Wait for Your Teen
Beginning a conversation with your teenager can be tough, but this topic is crucial. Use the news stories as a conversation opener. Open the communication flow and listen to what your teen has to say. "Feel the child out and let him talk. Listen more than speak. Remain neutral, no preaching, and see where your teen takes the topic", says Dr. Vicki.
If Your Teen Opens Up, DO NOT Shut Him Down!
If your teen feels comfortable enough to explain to you a bullying situation he or she has experienced or observed, resist the urge to cross-examine! Getting emotional and angry and asking "Who was it? When did this happen?" will only close that communication channel.
Instead, respond rather than react. Gentle prompts about how your teen felt during the situation will be the most effective way to keep your teen sharing with you. This is NOT the time for a lecture, it's time to listen.
Instead, respond rather than react. Gentle prompts about how your teen felt during the situation will be the most effective way to keep your teen sharing with you. This is NOT the time for a lecture, it's time to listen.
Prepare Your Teen to Stand Up to Bullying
As parents, we may worry that we sometimes sound like a broken record, but here are topics you can NEVER talk about too often with your teens:
- Making good decisions in their treatment of peers
- Standing up for what they believe in when around others who treat peers poorly
- Emphasizing that they NEVER have to "just take it" if they are being harassed in any way
- Feeling good about who they are and loving themselves
- Letting them know that you ALWAYS "have their back", value and love EVERYTHING about them
Remember, No Conversation is Too Short, No Topic Too Frequent
Not every talk with your teen has to be an hour-long heart-to-heart on the couch— short, frequent conversations about bullying and self-esteem with your teen totally count in your communication tally.
Just remember to keep your ears and arms open, and your judgment and lecturing mouth firmly closed. Through diligence and tolerance, you'll be doing your part to help combat the ugly practice of bullying and give your teen the support he needs.
Just remember to keep your ears and arms open, and your judgment and lecturing mouth firmly closed. Through diligence and tolerance, you'll be doing your part to help combat the ugly practice of bullying and give your teen the support he needs.
For more information about discussing bullying with your teens, visit our special page on bullying, the PACER's Teens Against Bullying website and these resources:
- GLSEN GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, is the leading national education organization focused on ensuring safe schools for all students. They offer a comprehensive list of anti-bullying resources.
- PFLAG
Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is the nation's foremost family-based organization committed to the civil rights of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. They offer parents ten ways to make our schools safer, and ways to report bullying in schools.
- THE TREVOR PROJECT The Trevor Project is the leading national organization focused on crisis intervention and suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ youth. Every day, The Trevor Project saves young lives through its free and confidential lifeline, in-school workshops, educational materials, online resources and advocacy. They offer tons of information including list of suicidal signs and facts and advice on how to help someone who is suicidal.
Provided byDr. Vicki Panaccione
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