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Nanny 911 Challenge: Establish House Rules



Children need rules in their lives. In fact, they crave them. The reason kids get so crazy out-of-control sometimes is because they're crying out for Mom and Dad to establish some rules. (Really!) Rules make kids feel safe and secure. Rules let your kids know what is expected of them, which helps them succeed (see our previous challenge about rewarding good behavior) as well as know when they're not doing something right. So as a parent who wants to raise good kids, it is YOUR job to decide what goes on in your house and what doesn't. In other words, you need to make the rules!

Your Challenge: Establish Your House Rules
You may already have some House Rules, but today your goal is to clearly define them. You need to write them down and make a plan to stick with them. This may take some brutal honesty, but if you're here reading this, I know you're up for the challenge!
Here are the Nanny's Tips for Establishing House Rules:
  • Observe and report. Watch how your kid behaves, or if you have two children, watch how they interact. Do they fight a lot? Is there a certain time of day that's the melting hour? Is there a certain thing that they just won't do (like clean up) or just won't STOP doing (like whining)? Jot down your observations so you know what rules you need to make.
  • Make a list of rules. What good behavior do you want to reinforce? What bad behavior do you want to stop? Communicate with your partner and make sure that you two agree to be united and consistent, otherwise rules simply won't work. Together, decide what goes on the list: Is it talking back? Is it doing their homework? Is it getting out of the house on time? Prioritize these issues. And be realistic: Pick your battles, and know what you can stick with.
  • Work as a team. In order for House Rules to work, Mom and Dad, or anyone who is regularly taking care of your kids (grandma, babysitters, etc.), need to be on the same page. Kids are smart. And if they can find a loophole, they'll jump through it. Also important to remember: House Rules are family rules. So that means they apply to YOU, too! If the House Rule is not to yell, then you and your partner need to speak respectfully to one another, too.
  • Decide on the consequences. By following yesterday's challenge of rewarding good behavior, your child should already have a good idea of what the plus side is. But all actions have consequences. Without consequences, there's no incentive to stop the bad behavior, and your kid will keep on acting out. So if the rules are broken, then you as a parent have to enforce them. (We'll talk about effective time-outs later.)
  • Go over the rules with your kids. Hold a family meeting. Show everyone the list of House Rules, and post them someplace for all to see. Explain clearly and calmly what the House Rules are and what your expectations are. There's no shame about these rules. In fact, the more you involve your kids with the list (like having them decorate the Rule Sheet), the more invested and interested they will become.

So remember: Establish your own House Rules. Observe your kid's behavior, then make a list of good and bad behavior. Work with your partner to make sure the rules are realistic, and that they can apply to the whole family. Make the rules non-negotiable. Think about what the consequences will be for not following the rules.

Happy Rule-Making! And my question to you is: What are your House Rules? Did you make any adjustments after today's challenge? Share your list of House Rules in the comments below.
Be sure to check in with your mommy allies on the Child Behavior Message Board. Check out these other challenges:
Answered by Nanny Deb
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