FEATURED: Accepting my gay son...

I am glad you were able to talk to him and more importantly that he feels comfortable opening up to you!

Best wishes to both of you

I would just simply hug him and tell him that I love him. Kids just want your approval in everything they do, and just be honest with him that if you really don't like the idea of him being gay, it doesn't matter because he's your son and you love him anyway. My parents don't agree with half the choices I've made in my life but they supported me and loved me regardless because that's what a parent does. A good parent, anyway. Not saying you're not, but just be careful in case you hurt his feelings. Like I said, as long as he knows you're there for him if he needs to talk or whatever, then things should work themselves out. It's his life, after all. He'll always be your baby, but he's gotta make his own decisions and if being gay makes him happy then tell him that's all you want him to be... happy. :)

Its harder for him than it is for you.  He needs to accept himself too and needs all your support. 

Our mother lashed out at my brother when he came out, even telling him to go kill himself.  He got into drugs and is now in jail.

I'm not saying that will happen to you, just that your son needs your love and support more than you know and I beg you to give it to him.

You want him to be happy, you need to support him.  I wish all the best, I know how hard it can be at times, but its really not a big deal.  He's always going to be your little boy.

All kids should be so lucky to have a mom like you.

I took him out for dinner and we talked about his boyfriend and my concerns and all that. I do know his boyfriend fairly well (they've been friends since childhood), and he says that they have been together for a few months now. I'm still not entirely comfortable with the idea, but now that he and I have talked, it's not such a matter of acceptance anymore. 

His door was wide open when I got to it, so I didn't think he would be doing anything..

What you do is let him know the reasons you are proud he is your son and talk to him about safe sex, (just because pregnancy is less of a worry now does not mean that it is no longer a topic that should be reinforced) bullying and relationships, really the same thing you would do were he not gay.

If this is a casual relationship, I would not be as concerned but if he is in a more serious relationship, get to know the person and let him know your thoughts and concerns about the person in a caring way, well, if there are any concerns, he might be a perfectly suitable partner.  Again, the same thing you would do if her were dating a girl.

If you are having trouble accepting it, perhaps be honest about it if you feel you have to but it really is not really your son's burden to carry. He has enough to deal with just being a teen.

I hope my comment doesn't sound too harsh, but it is a little harsh. Be thankful your son has come out and told you the truth. I was always the friend my gay/lesbian friends came out to before their parents. I seemed to have a lot of friends growing up who liked the same gender. With that I've seen a lot of friends distance themselves to their parents or completely cut themselves off because their parents weren't accepting. 

For when he gets home, I'd simply let him know you got his note and no matter what lifestyle he leads/his sexuality is you still love him and always will. That's probably a fear of his right now that you will stop loving him. Don't let him know you're not accepting at the moment, he could take that you are disappointed in him. And hopefully you'll be supportive of him. 

Plus at 16 shouldn't you be knocking before you open his door? 

I agree with the PP. Tell him the truth, that you found it kind of shocking, and you don't know how to react but that you still love him and it may take some getting used to. He is your son and I'm sure the adversity and hardship that comes with being gay (particularly in highschool) were never in your dreams for him. I have a friend who is bi, she's more on the heterosexual side of the scale but when she came out to her parents in highschool it caused some serious issues with her mom. When I met her it was five years later and her mom had only begun to accept her sexuality. It was hard on her and there still is some tension them because of that. I don't know what you believe about homosexuality or if its just that you were very much surprised to learn about your son's sexual orientation, but take your time in expressing your thoughts until you know you are ready to do so. Words have unbelievable power and you are his mom so your words are particularly powerful.

Oh, and maybe find out if his friend told his own parents, you would not want to make mention of your sons confession to you, to his parents if he has not mentioned it!