Prep Your Child (and Yourself!) for the Middle-School Years

Ah, the crazy middle-school years—in the morning your child may seem like the quintessential preteen, agonizing over the right shirt, a hairstyle and what shoes to wear. But that same child comes home from school and is a little kid again, jumping around the house, snuggling with you, fighting with siblings like a 2-year-old.

The rapid mood swings between childhood and adolescence are normal but stressful both for your child and you and the rest of the family. While a stint at a good boarding school for grades six through eight may not be in your budget (though there will be days when a second or third mortgage looks very attractive as a way to send Miss Middle School three states away!), there is a lot you can do to help your child adjust to the changes middle school brings—and ultimately, even thrive and enjoy the independence and responsibility of these preteen years.

Knowing what to expect is key. Your child may have been with the same group of buddies since preschool, eating lunch together, playing at recess together. Well, the sandbox is about to get a lot bigger and more crowded. In case you can't (or don't want to!) remember back to sixth grade, here's some of the stuff she'll be dealing with:

Instead of staying in one classroom, she'll be changing classes.

Lunch is at different times, so her tried-and-true buds may not be at her favorite table.

Friends' interests may also be changing, and with a wider range of sports and clubs, they may be busier or may find new friends with more compatible interests.

And then, there's the dreaded locker! Five minutes to run from the remote Siberian end of the building to the locker, get it open, get the right books and run to class (stopping to chat on the way!)—yikes!

Plus, emotionally, mentally and physically, middle schoolers' bodies are changing, affecting the way they eat and sleep, how they think about themselves, how they interact with you and their friends.

You can help with the initial transition by doing the following with your child:

If your school offers it, make an appointment in June to take your child on a tour of the middle school. Find the cafeteria, classrooms, bathrooms, library, computer lab, gym and other locations she'll need to navigate her way.

Go online and check the school's Web pages together—what sports and clubs are offered that look like fun? Knowing the terrain makes a big difference in her comfort level.

Find out what time middle school starts and if she rides a bus, what time she will need to be at the bus stop. Make a morning plan with your child and practice it: Get up, get showered and dressed, eat breakfast, check backpack, etc.

Buy a lock and practice unlocking and locking it. Don't underestimate the dread a locker can cause.

Have her call and find one or two people who have the same lunch period. Not walking into the cafeteria like a new kid in school will help ease her queasiness (and it's not from the cafeteria's Monday Mystery Meat Surprise!).

Hook up with a kid who's in middle school now, and let her give your child the lowdown. Just make sure to choose the right kid—you don't want someone who says it really stinks or whatever nondescriptive negative word kids will use to describe something unpleasant. You want someone who is honest about the challenges and can give good advice as to how to succeed.

If your child has never used a planner, get one and practice using it. Written, electronic or online—it doesn't matter as long as she has a way of keeping track of all she will have to do.

Don't spend a lot of money on backpacks, clothes and shoes in August only to hear from your child that everything you bought was absolutely wrong and totally unusable and she won't be caught dead with any of it and now she can't go back to school! Wait until school starts to see what the trends are and then purchase wisely. And everything will be on sale already—even better!

Plan a get-together at your house on the weekend or after school in the first few weeks for your child and friends (old and maybe some new ones). Some hang-out time to just decompress will help keep friendships going—and friends are more important than ever in middle school.

Most important, be available to listen. Driving to practices, before bedtime, in the minutes before dinner, make sure your child knows that she has your attention and that you are her biggest fan.

An important thing to remember as you navigate the sometimes-choppy waters of the middle-school years: You are your child's anchor. Your influence, advice, values, and just being available to listen and to provide a pat on the back are all more important than ever. So, enjoy the ride and feel proud of the increasingly independent and self-sufficient young adult you are raising.