Teen Stress: Fighting Perfectionism
If you've got a kid who's fighting perfectionism, or if it's a personality trait you're dealing with yourself, there are a number of strategies you can employ on your own to begin changing for the better. Here are just a few ideas that might help you out:
- Let them be average for a day. Encourage your kid to allow himself to be messy, late, incomplete ... imperfect. Then celebrate his success.
- Get your kid involved in activities that are not graded or judged—activities that focus on process, not product.
- Help them take a risk. Have them sign up for a course with a reputation for being challenging. Challenge them to start a conversation with someone they don't know. Encourage them to do an assignment or study for a test without overdoing it. Alter their morning routine. Let them start a day without a plan.
- Give them permission to make mistakes—at least three a day!
- Ban the word "should" from their vocabulary. And make them remove the phrase "I have to" from conversations—and from their conversations with themselves.
- Ask them to share a weakness or limitation with you. Help them recognize that you don't think any less of them as a result.
- Help them acknowledge that their expectations of themselves might be too high, or even unrealistic.
- Savor their past accomplishments with them. Encourage them to write about how good they made them feel.
- Help them "cure" their perfectionism. Maybe you can give them a sign or a word when you notice them being a perfectionist.
- Encourage them to join the human race. It's less lonely when they accept their own and others' imperfections and feel part of life.
- If you think they need more help, encourage them to talk with a school counselor or psychologist. They should explain their situation and ask for suggestions
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