Bad Parenting Advice #409: Talking to Kids About Sex
First of all, don't get down on yourself for not knowing how to talk to your daughter about sex. By clamming up, you probably sent her to a real authority, the kid who draws penises and vaginas on the bathroom wall at school. You're lucky because he knows everything about sex from hours of unsupervised viewings of Entourage.
Thanks to that kid, you can bring up the subject and your daughter will know exactly what you're talking about. So don't be afraid to discuss the male and female anatomy, using effective words like "wee wee" and "hoo-ha" or "knockwurst" and "bun." Kids love it when you use pet names for privates—it's cute!
How do you debunk all of the misinformation kids learn about sex? DON'T! Parents don't know everything so it's OK to be noncommittal. "Can kissing make you pregnant?" she asks. "Hmmm?" you say. "I'll have to get back to you on that one." "Is the stork real?" she asks. "He's as real as Santa!" you say.
Finally, if you're really anxious about what you're going to say, practice by having "the talk" with your family pet. Chances are Socks will give you the same yawn and distracted look your kid will when you talk about sex. And in the end, does it really matter? She learned everything from that kid at school anyway.