New Mom Finds Parenting Lonely

A while back I got married, and it took years for us to have our first child. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I became lonely. I was overwhelmed with sadness since my own mom had been dead for years. There was no one there for just me. My dad acted so weird about the whole thing (he was 40 when I was born, so he is straight-up old-school). Of my friends, half didn't have kids and the other half had kids who were practically in their teens. We live way out in the country, far away from everyone we know, and with gas prices so high, I only leave the house once a week to run all my errands.

It's been two years since my daughter was born and I am sitting around my house today realizing how incredibly lonely I really am. Everyone else I know works (as I should—but I just can't afford the gas and day care) or is busy driving their kids all over town. I can't believe I went from being witty and up to speed on politics, fashion, hangouts, etc., to a person who weeps with joy when my phone rings and on the other end of the line is someone who wants to chat for five minutes.

I love my daughter with all my heart and soul and I would do anything for her, but as I crash in bed every night and wait for her to fall asleep, I ask myself the questions I think a lot of parents ask themselves: Where did I go? Will I ever see myself again? And is there anyone else out there who feels the same way I do?

I'm like a zombie, just stumbling from day to day. The thing that worries me most is the thought of looking back when I'm old and gray and wondering about all the things I should've/could've done. I stay home to save money, run my house, and run my dad's house and business. Meanwhile, I get pressured by friends to go get a job an hour away. Why can't everyone just get off my back and instead just talk to me? I would love to talk about anything. Alas, I guess I will just keep boring my hubby to death and talking to myself.