From Manager to Mom
I was absolutely thrilled when I found out I was pregnant. Not only was I excited to be a mother but I was just as anxious to stop working as a bank manager. It would be an understatement to say that I did not like my job. However, I mistakenly assumed the transition from manager to mom would be easy because of how desperately I wanted to be a mom.
As a manager, my world revolved around numbers, goals, compliance, regulatory control and time management. Everything in my world had a deadline or was attached to some sort of numerical goal. After giving birth to my daughter, I quickly started to realize this manager mentality had crept its way into every part of my day as a mom.
With my daughter, I would wake for the day with a list of goals. I had an internal checklist for what needed to be done around the house. If I did not finish off the checklist, I felt like an utter failure. If my daughter was cranky or just wanted to be held, I would find myself getting really irritated because I had other things that needed to get done. If I couldn't get stuff around the house done before my husband came home, I would give Sophie to him and then frantically clean the house. All this so my precious checklist could have every last item with a checkmark next to it. I was running myself ragged. I felt like I never rested or spent quality time with my daughter. One day when my husband came home, I broke down in tears telling him how I had failed because of a long list of items that I didn't accomplish.
As I was letting it all out, I realized I was seeing my daughter as a hindrance to my "goals." What a terrible way to view your child. Besides the guilt I was feeling for thinking this way, I started to understand that I was trapped in a "manager" mindset. Unfortunately, management is rarely about caring and nurturing the people who work under you. Management is about goals and numbers being met. My daughter doesn't need an impeccably clean house. I don't need a long checklist to have value as a mom or wife. I need to care for my daughter and love her as much as possible. I know this sounds like a simple idea, but it is a major change in mindset and how you view yourself.
There are days when I still feel this frantic urge to get "stuff" done around the house. There are still days when I feel like I have to justify how I spent my day when my husband gets home because it doesn't seem like I have done anything. But now I know what causes me to feel this way. I have finally started to make the transition from a manager to a mom.