Adventures of a Bipolar, Junkfood-aholic
I feel like a bad person, I love my niece, I love all the little ones in my family (I have 14 nieces and nephews) and I'm usually really really good with them, but at this moment I want silence. Why am I even on here you ask? Because I started typing this while I was waiting to be sure my little man fell asleep and now that he is I can't leave this unfinished, that'll drive me nuts.
Speaking of my nieces and nephews, we've had non-stop guests since this little morning problem has started. With school being out for the summer and me living with my Mom everyone keeps leaving the kids here over night. My niece and nephew Macey & Mark have stayed over twice and my niece Courtney has stayed over like 10 times. Which is good and bad, the baby LOVES her and she's good with him so it's nice to have someone occupy him while I kick back and watch for a bit.
On the other hand we all sometimes like to have our house to ourselves. I don't know, it's not like she bothers or anything, it's just something people tend to feel when someone visits for a while.
For the caffeine part of today's title, I think I've drank at LEAST 3 cups of coffee a day. The other day my heart kept racing and it felt like I just found out something horrible (anxiety I suppose) and my heart was pounding. It occured to me that in that day I had one cup of coffee in the morning, a large cocacola for lunch a large coffee from Mcdonalds late afternoon, a bunch of chocolate and then some more coke. I'm guessing it was all the caffeine (did I mention the excedrine I took which had caffeine, but I'm not sure how much it has). So much for being healthy and getting my body ready to have another baby. I think I'll wait to even THINK about that until my baby sleeps as long as he should.
I'm not sure if it's the loss of sleep or the amount of caffeine, but I've been super super emotional lately. It's getting bad, last night I cried for like 3 hours about my weight and how I could be a better Mommy. Today I got REALLY angry at the hubbs for something that wasn't as big a deal as I made it out to be. When I say angry I mean ANGRY... the only person in my life that I have yet to feel any negative feelings towards is my baby boy. Somehow no matter what he does I adore him and I can't do anything but hug him and smile when he's in front of me. I gotta pull myself together.
Excuse this rant if it was a boring ramble or anything like that ... I'm not myself today.