Talking to Kids About Living Together Before Marriage

Verb tense is everything. There's a significant difference between "do as I say but not as I did" and "do as I say but not as I'm doing." A big difference.

The first "do as I say, but not as I'm doing" is someone who has learned from life lessons. It's called experiential learning. It describes all of us who've made choices in life and learned from them—both good and bad. We've paid the tuition, taken the course and have the grade to prove it (even if it's not pretty). Parents need to share these life lessons with their kids to be effective. Even if the lesson is to "do as I say, but not as I did," you're not a pretender, you're a professor. Say that you made a mistake and don't want to see your child do the same.

The second "do as I say, but not as I'm doing" describes the hypocrite you're fearful of sounding like. If this describes you, it's like hearing that you shouldn't steal from a practicing kleptomaniac. Save your words until you're ready to practice what you preach.