My In-Laws Grandparenting Skills Stress Me Out!

I have been divorced for two years now, and my 4-year-old son used to go visit his dad on weekends. His dad lived with his grandma, but he passed away due to a car accident in March. Since then, my son's great-grandmother expects that he keep going over to stay on the weekends just like before when he went visit his dad.

It has become a problem for me because they don't seem to have any discipline for the children there and I am very big on discipline and respect.

His cousins are also there and have been raised by their grandma and great-grandma, not their mom, so they don't really understand why my son has to "come back home." They always question me when I go to pick him up on Sunday.

My kid's discipline at grandma's is a minor problem compared to the fact that I've seen all the children piled into a car without seat belts or proper seating. This makes me have A LOT of anxiety when he's over there. Not to mention that he's seen "Jeepers Creepers" while in their care! I feel that there are no real responsible adults in that environment!

I would love any advice, however, what I really need help with is how to go about changing the "schedule" for how often he "visits" great-grandma. Since the way I raise my children is so different from the way they do, I often spend most of my time with my son undoing the damage that has been done when he's over there in kid-land where kids are the ones who run the place. Granted, great-grandma is one of the nicest ladies on earth, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. I want her to realize that he "lives" with me and "visits" while at her house and I also want my son to grow up not being confused about where home is.