Criticism From Your Mother-in-Law

I hope that when I'm a mother-in-law, I remember just how intense the early years of parenthood are! If you do consider talking to your mother-in-law, weigh the costs and benefits to you. Your response depends on your relationship with her. It is OK to stand up for yourself, and we all want to avoid getting pulled into a confrontation with someone who is just being hurtful.

In the best of all worlds, your husband would stand up for both of you rather than passing along unkind comments. I would focus on getting his support first. Are you and he on the same page as parents? If not, what needs to change? Do you need more support from him? Can he be more involved than he is already, and are you giving him the flexibility to parent his way, or are you criticizing him for not doing things your way?

We all start to suffer from selective amnesia about how challenging childhood is the farther we get away from it. I, myself, was wondering where on earth my daughter got the tendency to be so silly and wound up. Then I came across an old cassette tape I had recorded when I was 9 years old. I sounded exactly as silly as she is today! Maybe asking your husband's parents to haul out the old family movies for a night of reminiscing will provide a positive opportunity to swap stories—and remind the in-laws what the daily grind of parenting is really like.