Broken Family Relationships

My husband and I met 10 yrs ago working as bartenders. We dated for three years and then got pregnant. My MIL was horrible to me. Digging for dirt from my friends, telling the family lies about me. Saying I wouldn't let her see her son or grandson. This was all far from the truth.

She would wait until I left the house to come see the baby and my husband. I was constantly inviting them over for dinner, they always refused. I found out from a family member that she had made up a story about me, saying that I made plans for her to visit the baby and then wasn't home when she came by. That never happened but the person telling me this story was very upset with me and would not listen to my side. It was then I realized that my MIL really wanted me out of the picture. But she called me every day and kept me on the phone for hours telling me the same stories. Even though I was home with a new baby, she just continued to talk. I was afraid to let her go as she might tell everyone how terrible I was. But to my face, she was my best friend.

During the first year of my son's life, we planned to buy a house from my husband's parents. They offered to let us stay in the house and make the house payments until we could save a down payment. It was a nightmare, as his mother was kicking me out of the house once a month at best. I eventually just left my things in boxes and was never comfortable. Meanwhile, my mother is going through her third divorce. It was a very stressful time for me being a new mom and having no help from a motherly figure. I gained a lot of weight, could not cope.

When my husband's mother had her last blow-up, she told us we had two weeks to move out or buy the house. We had no where to go with two dogs and a baby and with no time to move. So we bought the house.

The day my husband went to his parents' house to sign the contract, his mother gave him an ultimatum: Choose her or me. My husband was so tired of being pulled in both directions and playing both sides. He asked if they could wait a few days and cool off so they could talk later. She refused and said again, me or her. My husband chose us, his family. And she then dictated to my husband that he was to have no contact with the rest of the family. His father said that he "could lose our number faster than we could lose theirs." It has been four years and we have not heard anything. How can someone abandon their son and grandson??

Then my family. My mother is an alcoholic and is in her own world. She drifts in and out of my life when it is convenient. I haven't heard from her since she showed up at the hospital when I had my second son six months ago. We have no idea how she knew I was there as she had only seen me once during the pregnancy.

We have no family. My babies have no grandparents. No one to spoil them or to spend the weekend with. We have no help at all. I loved being with my grandparents when I was little. They took me out to dinner and shopping, spoiled me rotten. I want that for my boys. I feel like I am not supposed to have any kind of real mother figure in my life. Growing up with a drunk, I feel like I raised myself and my younger bother.

Our 5-year-old sometimes asks questions like "Who is your mom?" I don't know what to say as I feel like I am nobody's daughter.

I just wanted my kids to be happy and healthy. But I know they will wonder why other kids have grandparents that spoil them and they don't. I just don't want them to feel bad about themselves. What a screwed up family relationship.