Pool Rules for Parents
1. It's Not Europe.
If your swimsuit barely contains enough actual fibers in it to make a decent Kleenex, much less an entire garment, you maybe need to rethink your wardrobe. You're at the community pool, Borat, not in Rio. Now, go put on some clothes fortheloveofPete, because there's a good chance that very thin piece of elastic is going to give out any second, and then someone is gonna lose an eye.
2. The Lifeguard is Not a Babysitter.
Please pay attention to your kids. Otherwise they could ... oh, you know ... DROWN. Here's the deal. The lifeguard is a fifteen-year old girl more concerned with how she looks in swimsuit and twirling her whistle-on-a-lanyard than with guarding anyone's actual life. Know that fact. Plus, it's a big pool. She can't see everything.
3. Do Not Release the Toddlers.
Let's discuss the seething, disgusting petri dish of nastiness that is the baby pool. There are always kids inside the fenced in area that is the baby pool that want to escape. But don't ever, ever, EVER release one of the little monkeys from the enclosure. Anyone with a lick of sense knows this. Because guess where they head? Yep. Right into the big pool. And then they fall in. And then whoever opened the gate gets to meet the Mommy Flash Mob that suddenly appears, with socks full of quarters and swinging for the fences.
4. God Made Swimmy Diapers For A Reason.
It's simple math: If your toddler is not potty trained - PUT THEM IN A SWIMMY DIAPER.
Remember, we still have that sock of quarters.