The Art of Trick-or-Treating
Here are some tips for teaching your children about the art of trick-or-treating.
Take time to train them properly. Don't just send them up to a door with the vague direction of "Pick out something yummy and remember to say thank you!" Those directions are for losers and hungry people. Be specific. Show them pictures of your favorite candy and explain the difference between a Tootsie Roll and real chocolate.
Plan their costume carefully. If you have a small child, cuteness always triumphs. Everyone wants to give handfuls of candy to a chubby toddler dressed as a puppy. A blood-soaked vampire isn't likely to fare as well.
Don't arrive first. The first trick-or-treaters typically only receive one piece of candy, as the supplier hasn't had time to gauge the trick-or-treat population and determine whether they're at risk of running out. For maximum treat potential, time your outing for about an hour after dusk.
Choose your conquests. Avoid the retired dental hygienist's house and give respect to the guy who handed out cans of soda and unopened boxes of Girl Scout cookies last year.
Capitalize on infancy. If you have an infant, by all means dress her up and parade her around the neighborhood, even if she only ingests breast milk. Teach older siblings to say, "Can I have an extra piece so I can share it with my new sister?"
Use candy as fuel. Is your preschooler getting tired? Does he seem chilled? Sacrifice some of the product for the sake of the mission. Everyone knows that sugar is a carb and carbs provide energy and energy results in heat. Load those kids up on candy to keep them moving. You can baby them after all the candy bowls in the 'hood are empty.