Things I Want to Say at the Playground
The weather is awesome and it's playground time! But watch your hind parts because there are some people on the playground who need to mind their manners and start acting their age. I'm talking about the parents. The following are things I've wanted to say to these annoying parents (but propriety and the fear of getting my ass kicked have prevented me from saying them).
- "Get off your damn Blackberry, Daddy. Your kids wandered off five minutes ago and are now playing on the train tracks."
- "Sorry to interrupt your chat, Gwenyth and Stella, but your organic, free-range, TV-free children are currently throwing mulch in each other's eyes."
- "Hi there Mom's boyfriend who obviously doesn't want to be here. You're a useless sack of hair."
- "It must be nice for you, teenage babysitter, to get paid $15 an hour to roll your eyes and text."
And of course there's this gem, proving that while I used to be sort of cool and clever—I'm now a sleep-deprived moron who can barely walk upright:
- "I'm sorry my kid hit yours with a stick during an imaginary light saber battle while I was staring blankly into space trying to remember if we need milk and pull-ups from the store. Wait. What?"
From Kristin Wilson Keppler and Julianna W. Miner of Rants from Mommyland.
Provided byKristin Wilson Keppler & Julianna W. Miner
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