Things I Want to Say at the Playground
- "Get off your damn Blackberry, Daddy. Your kids wandered off five minutes ago and are now playing on the train tracks."
- "Sorry to interrupt your chat, Gwenyth and Stella, but your organic, free-range, TV-free children are currently throwing mulch in each other's eyes."
- "Hi there Mom's boyfriend who obviously doesn't want to be here. You're a useless sack of hair."
- "It must be nice for you, teenage babysitter, to get paid $15 an hour to roll your eyes and text."
And of course there's this gem, proving that while I used to be sort of cool and clever—I'm now a sleep-deprived moron who can barely walk upright:
- "I'm sorry my kid hit yours with a stick during an imaginary light saber battle while I was staring blankly into space trying to remember if we need milk and pull-ups from the store. Wait. What?"