I have 3 older brothers and we used to fight a lot! Today we are all extremely good friends. They're probably my best friends. I think it's okay if siblings fight from time to time. The real problem is, when they don't talk to each other, or don't really care about each other. Then fighting or rivalry isn't so bad ;)
We are very fortunate and at this age my kids still get along really well. I think it helps that they are twins and neither one had the opportunity to be an only child. They have always had each other
My brother and I never, eve got along when we were younger. My parents constantly had to tell us not to fight, and sometimes that wouldn't even work and we would have to be spanked and separated. If it helps at all...my brother and I grew up to be the closest of friends. We were much closer to each other than we are/were with either of my parents.
sometimes you just have to let them get it out. it is impossible to be nice to a person you spend that much time with ALL THE TIME. my parents only ever intervened if we were hurting each other (this stopped when we got to be teenagers) or if we were getting on their nerves. i think if i had been forced to be nice to them all the time i might just have killed one of them. there are 5 of us all together with a 4/5 yr age gap, so b/w home school and shared circles of friends we never got a break from each other.
Gigi and her cousin Payton spend alot of time together and they butt heads alot. recently Payton took it upon herself to give Gigi a "playful smack" (Payton's words) when Gigi did something Payt didn't like. of course the discipline insued, but it did nothing to adjust Payt's attitude about the situation. However, the next day Payton was refusing to give Gigi a turn doing whatever and Gigi, who has never hit any one before, smacked the CRAP out of Payton's back. Gigi lost her priveledges for a week but wouldnt you know Payton has been a lot kinder to Gigi ever since. apparently Payt's dad explained to her that if she was gonna hit Gigi (who not only outweighs her by 20 lbs but has a much higher pain tolerance) then Gigi was gonna hit her back, and that's a fight she's gonna lose everytime.
of course you dont want to encourage your kids to hit each other, but sometimes it works best just to let them figure it out amongst themselves.
My older 2 are 4.5 and almost 3. Both are very rough boys and tumble with a lot of the same interest. They don't really fight overly much it's more getting to agressive and accidently hurting each other.. When they happens I try to get them something to they both need to gently work on like Addison (almost 3) works on the inside of a jigsaw and Kendall (4.5) does the outside or something similar to that...
I remember growing up with 6 of in the house (with a 8 year age gap from oldest to youngest) and a single mum, the rare times we'd fight she put us to work. Those who fought have to pick a chore and we had to do it together and fairly. If we fought then too, she'd pick another one. It was an ongoing thing until we managed to get along and do it properly, fairly, and efficently.. So doing that when my boys and well the babies are older!
They clash a lot. One is very high-energy, rough-and-tumble, while the other is very gentle and anxious and deals with sensory issues and low tone/delays (gross motor and fine motor). It's so nice when they do play together well but there is also a LOT of refereeing that goes on in our house. At their age (just turned 4) we just do simple modeling and teaching of how to share, take turns, be kind to each other, discipline for being too aggressive, etc.