Healthy Relationships: Too Tired for Sex After Baby
I just had a baby. How can I let my partner know I still love him and find him attractive even though I'm too tired to have sex?
Anytime there is a major transition in a marriage—and having a baby is a big one!—there are stresses that can pull you apart. It is great that you recognize how much you still want to be connected to your partner and to keep your relationship healthy.
Here's some relationship advice about how to keep a relationship healthy after baby arrives:
Anytime there is a major transition in a marriage—and having a baby is a big one!—there are stresses that can pull you apart. It is great that you recognize how much you still want to be connected to your partner and to keep your relationship healthy.
Here's some relationship advice about how to keep a relationship healthy after baby arrives:
- Fatigue is one of the greatest challenges when you have a newborn. Think of ways to get more rest. Try to nap when the baby does and ignore the housework. Maybe there is a neighbor or relative who could give you a hand. Sometimes young mothers can help one another out with brief respites. Your fatigue level also will be affected by your diet, getting out of the house for a breath of fresh air and mild exercise and the amount of loving support your husband is able to provide.
- When your baby has gone down for a nap or for the night, let your partner know what kinds of touch would feel good to you, even though you are not quite ready to have sex. This touch could be a foot or back massage or simply a hug. Tell him how much you love him as your husband and honor him as a new dad. Let him know that you are exhausted and need his help and support. A healthy relationship relies not just on a physical bond, but also an emotional one!
- Sometimes new mothers in particular can become so focused on the new baby that they forget the most important gift they give their children long-term is a strong marriage. You must be a couple first and parents second for your child to have the stability, love and parental guidance needed.
- If you put off sex long-term, it is going to be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. Don't be shy about making requests when it comes to lovemaking. If you need a very slow and gentle touch and nothing intense or drawn out, he may be very willing to help. Let him know where you are sore or feel uncomfortable being touched and ask him to concentrate elsewhere.
- Remember that this is about affirming your healthy relationship, not "giving in to his demands." You are a team as a couple and as parents.
Answered by
Susanne M. Alexander, Relationship Coach
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