Your instincts about sex are probably more valid than what you think they are. Sexual myths proliferate because sex is such a fascinating topic and so important to a relationship that everybody has an opinion. Believing false ideas about sex will create unnecessary anxiety (and honestly, as a parent, who needs more of that!) If you've think any of the following myths are true—think again!
Sexual fantasies about people (other than your mate) are destructive. About one-third of people feel guilty about their sexual fantasies. But 95% of the adult population fantasizes about sex every day. When a relationship is healthy, many sexual fantasies will be about one's partner—but many won't. In such cases, fantasies about others usually stimulate a person's desire for their partner and therefore spice up your sex life. An increase in sexual fantasies about others may indicate dissatisfaction in your primary relationship.
Other people have more exciting sex than you do. Actually, the average person's sex life is, well, average. That means it's sometimes routine, sometimes quick, sometimes fantastic and sometimes nonexistent. TV, movies andromance novels can give the impression that most men (other than your hubby) have six-pack abs, most women are more beautiful and exotic than you and most sex is spicy and eye-popping. Not true.
Sexual experimentation is weird. In one study of women over 40, women who engaged in "acts of sexual abandon" with their husbands were very happy in their marriages. Most sexual experimentation is not way-out ("Uh, dear, what do you think about installing a trapeze in our bedroom?") but involves activities that don't really stretch the imagination too far. Sexual experimentation is associated with overall satisfaction in a marriage (although it is important not to engage in acts one finds repugnant) and is a great way to spice up sex.
It isn't a good idea to have sex when one party isn't interested. If married couples with kids waited until each partner was into it, they would never have sex.. Most parents are busy, stressed and exhausted. That makes opportunities for sex less frequent. Half-hearted sex doesn't mean half-hearted love or half-hearted enjoyment. Even mundane sex is pretty pleasant. "Quickies" and other low-energy sexual activities can still allow a couple to feel connected.
Scheduling lovemaking is unromantic. It can actually be a great way to spice up your sex life. When you schedule it, you anticipate it more. You may actually be even nicer to your spouse in the time leading up to it. Unscheduled sex is certainly great, but for busy couples with kids, when you rely on sex to be spontaneous one partner is more apt to be let down as he or she hopes are dashed when it doesn't happen.
Foreplay isn't sex. Foreplay doesn't have to lead to intercourse for it to be fun. When you awake in the morning with just a few minutes to spare before the kids get up, foreplay can actually increase your sexual connection to one another. How? Because when couples have occasional foreplay-only, the woman (usually) is willing to be more playful during those times knowing it doesn't always have to lead to sex. If foreplay must always lead to sex, then one person will limit foreplay since one spouse usually wants less sex. Foreplay is a great way to ignite the spark and spice up your sex life.
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