Just Tell Me Already!

A really good friend of mine is pregnant. She's not one of my oldest friends; she's more like a great new friend. She's the kind of friend I would tell if I had a disagreement with my husband, or if I needed to borrow a pair of shoes, or if I wanted to talk about my latest strange dream. We talk every day about the mundane, the serious, the silly and the real. We're good buddies. So I know she's pregnant. The problem is she hasn't told me yet, and it hurts.

I figured it out when she didn't order wine at dinner (she loves wine) and when she bent down to get her purse, she was wearing maternity pants. OK, I know what you're thinking: Maybe she just put on a few pounds. But I know her better than that. She's been married a year and talks openly about trying to have a baby. And I can't help it, but I'm offended. I understand a person's right to privacy, but why do we feel the need to hide the excitement of pregnancy in the first few months? I don't get it. I mean, having a miscarriage is awful, but wouldn't you want to share it with a friend if it happened? I did. It was painful and sad, but it was a part of my life experience and it didn't feel right hiding it from my loved ones. The same people who I would tell I was pregnant I would absolutely tell if I had a miscarriage. So why all the secrecy?

Maybe some women are superstitious and feel like telling "too early" will somehow jinx the pregnancy. Then there are the old-fashioned women who think it's somehow uncouth to tell people you're pregnant too early. Whatever the reason, I do think that there shouldn't be this arbitrary date in the pregnancy—three months along—that you must wait to tell. I think the barometer should be the strength of the friendship and whether that person is someone you would want to know if things didn't work out.