Prenatal Depression
Submitted by kammerbaby
I've suffered from clinical depression for about 11 years. I fought against taking medications for about 10 years until this past November when I finally accepted that I needed pharmaceutical intervention in order to get what I want out of life.
My doctor prescribed a medicine called Effexor, which works a little differently than most depression medications (for the sake of brevity, I recommend you do your own Wiki or Google search to find out more if you want to know).
It didn't solve my problems—no medicine can—nor did it turn me into a "zombie" (my worst fear about medication). It gave me what I like to call a buffer zone ... a little cushion that helps me bounce back when I start to sink deep.
Now that I'm pregnant, I can't take Effexor. Instead, I've been prescribed Zoloft. I have to give the Zoloft a full three weeks (I'm coming up on the end of week 3 now) to get into my system.
I've read over and over again that being pregnant puts you on an emotional roller coaster; I've sort of been on an emotional roller coaster my whole life, and now that I'm pregnant, it's like the roller coaster goes all the way up to Mars and then down to the deepest part of the ocean. It's pretty scary. One moment I'm excited and hopeful and in love with my fiancé and thinking so positively about the future; the next I'm terrified and crying and hating my fiancé and wondering if I/we can really do this.
It helps to know it's normal to have moods that oscillate from one end of the spectrum to the next, but it's not all too comforting to not be able to tell how much is the pregnancy and how much is just me. It's hard to know if the Zoloft is going to work for me or if it isn't helping at all.
I get scared I'll be a depressed mommy, too, and not be able to love my child enough, even though I know that's absurd. I already love the baby so much, I'm just so terrified and part of my personality is to be depressed. It's just who I am. It's not easy. I try to take a deep breath and concentrate on the things I think and feel when I feel happy and hopeful, and to envision myself as the person everyone else sees me as ... loving, helpful, wise, patient.
I guess I'm just writing this so that if anyone else out there feels the same way they can know they aren't alone.
Now that I'm pregnant, I can't take Effexor. Instead, I've been prescribed Zoloft. I have to give the Zoloft a full three weeks (I'm coming up on the end of week 3 now) to get into my system.
I've read over and over again that being pregnant puts you on an emotional roller coaster; I've sort of been on an emotional roller coaster my whole life, and now that I'm pregnant, it's like the roller coaster goes all the way up to Mars and then down to the deepest part of the ocean. It's pretty scary. One moment I'm excited and hopeful and in love with my fiancé and thinking so positively about the future; the next I'm terrified and crying and hating my fiancé and wondering if I/we can really do this.
It helps to know it's normal to have moods that oscillate from one end of the spectrum to the next, but it's not all too comforting to not be able to tell how much is the pregnancy and how much is just me. It's hard to know if the Zoloft is going to work for me or if it isn't helping at all.
I get scared I'll be a depressed mommy, too, and not be able to love my child enough, even though I know that's absurd. I already love the baby so much, I'm just so terrified and part of my personality is to be depressed. It's just who I am. It's not easy. I try to take a deep breath and concentrate on the things I think and feel when I feel happy and hopeful, and to envision myself as the person everyone else sees me as ... loving, helpful, wise, patient.
I guess I'm just writing this so that if anyone else out there feels the same way they can know they aren't alone.
Submit!
pending082307mckevitt.jpg?quality=0.6&height=60&width=60&)
