On the Crazy Train Since Giving Birth
Now, I worry about everything and anything that moves. Is that tree too close our house? What if a strong wind knocks it down on top of our house? What if something happens while I'm asleep and I don't wake up to save my son and myself? What if, what if, what if ...!!!
I've gotten to the point where I am paranoid. My anxiety is way out of control ... I even shake and start sweating sometimes. Everywhere I go I'm always looking out of the corner of my eye so that I can prepare myself for what might or might not happen.
I've worried myself sick literally ... I'm so tired at the end of the day, I can't calm down when I try to go to bed. My mind is in like "freak the heck out" mode ... it just keeps going and going. Then I wake up and re-do it all over again.
It used to be that I would sit at home and cry. I was so beyond depressed I was on a the verge of a divorce because I could not make anyone around me happy. Now I'm just in fear of everything. My biggest fear is FEAR itself.
I try to talk about it with my husband because I've always believed that letting things out and talking with someone would help, but he just laughs and says I need to calm down and he just doesn't understand. How am I supposed to calm down if I don't even know what that is anymore?
Sometimes I think something happened while I was giving birth and now I'm just going to get crazier and crazier. Am I the only one going through this? Will this ever go away? You don't have to answer this one but, is there something really wrong with me?? Am I going crazy for real???