First Time Parents Piss Me Off
OK, I have the benefit of hindsight. I'll admit that off the bat. But I really can't stand first-time moms. It seems so anti-supportive, I know. I just think first-time moms should support each other and not expect us second-time moms (who, by the way, are truly
sleep-deprived) to talk to them for a while. It's not their fault. It's just that first-time moms don't realize the luxury of taking care of only one child—especially a newborn
I was at the park, resplendent in my sweats and unwashed hair, juggling my infant and my 3-year-old while a playgroup
gathered next to our table. They were obviously first-time moms as evidenced by their clean and decidedly hip outfits, and the fact that they appeared to have showered. They had clearly read the instruction manuals on buying baby gear
. They had it all—BabyBjörns, slings
, high-end strollers
, ERGO backpacks, diaper bags
bursting with paraphernalia and (my favorite) a perfectly packed picnic lunch
. They ogled each other's babies while gently questioning one another about techniques, ideas and approaches to this new and wonderful world of mommy-dom
Some would have thought it a beautiful sight. I, however, was only reminded of how easy they have it. I hate listening to new moms talk about their baby's sleep
habits. They fret over whether junior is napping
the appropriate number of hours for his brain to develop
properly and they compare various experts' opinions. Hello? Not only don't they realize what a luxury it is to have time to read—they go and waste it reading sleep books instead of magazines! It really pisses me off.
They struggle over whether to enroll junior in swim lessons or music class. They buy everything brand-new and they overanalyze everything about their little bundle's development
. They wonder how they can get anything done because baby only takes three 1-hour naps a day. That's 3 full hours of quiet! I could probably build a house if I had 3 full hours!
I do appreciate the joy that first-time moms have. I was there once. I had all the latest and greatest equipment when David was born and I sought everyone's advice on sleep training
. But I've learned a few things since having another child. I don't spend money on swim lessons for a 4-month old because I know that down the road preschool is going to cost $425 a month, and I want to save for that. I realize that hand-me-downs are fine, thank you very much, and used toys work just as well as new ones. I understand that no matter how many sleep-training books I read, there is not much I can do to control my child's sleeping.
I admit that I'm a little jealous of the first-timers. They don't realize how good they have it. They think it's all so hard. And it is hard because it's new. But I'm going to let them stay in their own world. I'll talk to them again someday ... as soon as they have another baby.