I Just Want to a Be "Good Enough" Mom
Submitted by
Laurie Berkner
My daughter Lucy is 5 and I still sit in the room with her at night to help her go to sleep. I'm still trying to figure it out whether it's a dilemma or a declaration!
It was a dilemma for a long time because so many people were telling me that, at this age, it was my responsibility to get her to go to bed on her own. So my sense was, "I'm not helping her, I'm caving in to her wanting me to be in there."
Then I started to talk to a lot of people about it—my therapist, psychologists, my husband—and ultimately I decided that I was helping her more than I was hurting her, because she was afraid and had nightmares when I was leaving her at night. My husband made the same choice and it's something that feels right for me, for her ... for all of us.
Still, there is a part of me that's a little sheepish that I stay in the room with her at night. Especially when I imagine what the response from other people might be. But then I ask myself: Who am I making this choice for? Am I making it for me? Or for all of the people watching me?
That's a question I find myself coming back to over and over again as a parent. And the thing is, I don't always know immediately what the answer to that question is without stopping and questioning myself! I definitely I feel the pressure of worrying about what another parent thinks of how I'm taking care of my daughter. I feel my own insecurities, but the bottom line is about remembering that we're there for our kids, and we love them, and what we can do for them is good enough as long as it's done with loving intention. I'm learning to stop trying to "be a good mom" in the eyes of other people and to be OK with just trying to do good enough.
It was a dilemma for a long time because so many people were telling me that, at this age, it was my responsibility to get her to go to bed on her own. So my sense was, "I'm not helping her, I'm caving in to her wanting me to be in there."
Then I started to talk to a lot of people about it—my therapist, psychologists, my husband—and ultimately I decided that I was helping her more than I was hurting her, because she was afraid and had nightmares when I was leaving her at night. My husband made the same choice and it's something that feels right for me, for her ... for all of us.
Still, there is a part of me that's a little sheepish that I stay in the room with her at night. Especially when I imagine what the response from other people might be. But then I ask myself: Who am I making this choice for? Am I making it for me? Or for all of the people watching me?
That's a question I find myself coming back to over and over again as a parent. And the thing is, I don't always know immediately what the answer to that question is without stopping and questioning myself! I definitely I feel the pressure of worrying about what another parent thinks of how I'm taking care of my daughter. I feel my own insecurities, but the bottom line is about remembering that we're there for our kids, and we love them, and what we can do for them is good enough as long as it's done with loving intention. I'm learning to stop trying to "be a good mom" in the eyes of other people and to be OK with just trying to do good enough.
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