How Do I Accept a Surprise Pregnancy?

I am completely depressed but I am at work and cannot talk to a therapist or friend right now and really want advice from someone who has had a child. I was on a birth control pill where your period comes only once every 3 months. I had some some odd bleeding a month ago and went to my MD who did several tests for ovarian cancer that ended up abnormal. At any rate, after repeating this CA125 ovarian cancer test and a routine pregancy blood test 3 days ago and discovered that rather than having ovarian cancer, the cancer test was abnormal because I am 12 weeks pregnant. Not even 4 weeks. 12!!

This was totally unexpected for both me and the doctor. I feel that I am in shock. I am 35 years old, did not want children and have never had an "accident" before with birth control. I have always been very careful because I do not believe in abortion. Now I am devastated by this news. I know that I am ungrateful. I have a great boyfriend of 2 years who is very happy and accepting, and independent of him, I have a great career and decent income.

I know I should feel very happy since so many people cannot have children, and given that I do not have ovarian cancer. Yet I do not know how to start to accept the pregnancy and changes in my life. I have not told anyone. I am completely depressed. What do I do? Where do I start? I do not know how to take care of a child at all!! I grew up in foster care. I am terrified that I will not be a good parent. I do not have any family nearby. What is the first step??? How do I get ready for a baby? Who do I go to talk to first????

I do not believe in abortion and it is not an option for me. I do not judge others but I do not think it is right to terminate another person's life. I want to find a way to come to terms with this so I can be a good parent but do not know where to start emotionally.