Pregnant Pause

I am not ready to give birth. For a while, my sister and I were both pregnant at the same time. I am 28 weeks along now and she gave birth back in January. Like me, she was also pregnant with her first child. But her experience was totally different.

I am ready for motherhood. I've been playing the part of mother to three children that belong to a friend of mine. They are 1, 4 and 6 years old. I have a beautiful stepson whom I love dearly. But I am simply not ready to give birth.

I am scared of the pain and all. I know many will say that it's not that bad if I opt for medication. But no one seems to understand that I just can't picture myself pushing out some 8-pound baby!

My sister is no help. She was one of those pregnant women who thought the world was always marvelous and that pregnancy was wonderful and that giving birth was so easy and simple. She even boasted about going out to the supermarket four days after giving birth! Whatever she was taking while pregnant she needs to bottle it and sell it.

I know there have to be other pregnant women out there who understand that sometimes you just can't get up and you get these shocks of pain from your heavy belly which lead to fears about giving birth. What doesn't help is that my mom had postpartum depression after having me, so that worries me too, as does my brother's cerebral palsy. What's also making me crazy is that my husband is getting deployed right around my due date. I have a lot on my plate and I'm not sure what birth plan is right for me since I know I don't want to give birth. Can't someone just orb the baby out of me? It would help a lot.