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Mommy Guilt...
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Hey Ladies,
So d-day is getting very close. I will be 33 wks tomorrow. My daughter Natalie who is going to be 3 soon, seems to be excited about the baby in theory, but I don'[t know how much she really "gets it". I know that she will adore her little sister once she gets over the initial jealousy and we all settle into a routine.
However, I have been having this impending feeling lately of extreme guilt about bringing another child into her world and like I am taking something away from her. I adore my little girl more than I could ever express and she is such a sweet smart and beautiful little girl. Like all only children, she has been the centre of our world for the lat almost 3 years. I just really worry that she is going to lose some of this bond with me and end up feeling neglected. I am going to do absolutely everything I can to make sure this does not happen, but I know that I can only be stretched so far. Sometimes it really upsets me. Yesterday we were coloring together and she looked up at me with those big brown eyes and said I love you mommy. Well that set me right off and I started to cry...
I feel like she knows that something is happening too and can sense that a big change is coming. Lately she has been waking up every night and crawling into bed with me which she has never done. And she has been so clingy with me. Do you think she can sense something is coming?
For the next 6 or 7 weeks I am going to do as much with her as possible and really cherish the last moments we have together as a single child.
HAve any of you other mommies of 2 or more felt this way?
Last Edited: 09/20/2012 - 04:09 AM | Replies
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- MummyJill
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- Clare8089
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This is one of the reasons I'm so nervous to have another! I've pretty much raised my son alone since he was born and bringing another in to the equation would just make me feel like I was taking something from him even though I know deep down I wouldn't be and I'd love him to have a little sibling.
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- MummyJill
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I really aprpecaite the advice ladies! I absolutely agree, that I think I feel like she and I's relationship will change. But I do think she will really love the baby. Its not like I'm going to love her any less. I expect it to be really hard at first, I'm realistic but ppl do it every day and I'm sure it will be fine. As you know there is just such a surge of emotions when you are pregnant, especially toward the end. I hope this doesn't sound terrible, but I honestly cannot imagine loving another one as much as I love Natalie but I know it will happen and I am so thrilled to be doing it again!
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- JJABC
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I have 3 kids. My oldest is turning 4 next month. I felt guilty when we were having our second but she just loved her little brother. I was sure she would shun him and dislike him but she loved having him around. Granted she wasn't even 2 yet. When we were having our 3rd I was sure our 2nd would be mad/jealous. I don't think he even cared. He kind of ignored him but not in a mean way. Just "Oh a baby...alright" He was only 11 1/2 months when #3 came though. Our oldest still calls the boys her boys. "Mom where's my boys?"
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- AutumnBear
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My oldest is 2 and my youngest is 4 months and I still feel guilty.
I felt horrible at times when I was pregnant because my older boy is my baby and he is a mama's boy. I was so afraid that I was taking something away from him by having another baby and scared that it would change things between me and him forever.
I think its normal to feel these things, just nobody ever talks about it. Everyone seems to like pretending that life is wonderful all the time.
My oldest is still very clingy to me. Everyone told me he would become dad's boy because he wouldn't be getting enough attention from me with the baby around, but that never happened.
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- momkey
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I only have one, but I have a niece and nephew whom I helped raise since they were born! (I know this is not the same really, but I know just because another baby comes doesn't change the bond, or the love you have for the previous child!) Obviously you will have to divide your attention, and it will be hard at first, but you will always have that bond with your daughter, that will never end! Do as much as you can to have her help with the baby, like getting diapers and wipes, choosing what outfit you will put her sister in, maybe with feeding the baby! Soothing her sister when she can! Whatever you can see that she can help with, have her help! At that age a lot of children like to feel like they are helping, and independent!
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