Scared of Pregnancy
I had a very easy pregnancy, physically. No morning sickness to speak of. Not high risk in any way. But emotionally and mentally it was exhausting. I am not a worrier by nature. But when I became pregnant, I was so worried that something was going wrong or that I would lose my baby. I know all moms worry about this ... but I became almost obsessed. I read What to expect ... to try to calm myself ... but that only put more ideas into my head of what could happen.
I know exactly why I worried so much. When I was younger, my sister contracted a fatal virus while inside my mother's womb. And the baby died just two weeks after birth. This, of course, shattered my family. Especially my parents, who became deeply depressed after the loss. Now several years later, while most of the wounds have healed, some are still mourning this babies death. This has debilitated me in two ways. 1. I know that my family, including me, could not endure another loss like this. 2. Since I have lived it, I know firsthand that infant mortality is real and happens more often than people realize. I know that I have to get over this in order to bring another baby into my family. But how can I calm myself enough to allow myself to get pregnant. And then not to be so riddled with worry once I am pregnant? How have other people who have experienced a loss held it together while they were pregnant?