Enjoying Pregnancy After a Pregnancy Loss
First of all, let me congratulate you for being so in touch with how you really feel. That's truly the most important aspect of your recovery. As I often say, "You have to feel it to heal it." So just allow yourself to feel the good, the bad, the ugly. Make sure you have grieved fully for the child you lost. If you need help, I recommend a book called Life Touches Life by Lorraine Ash. It's the story of her recovery after her daughter was stillborn. It's incredibly beautiful and heart-warming.
Try to accept and love yourself for all your feelings and emotions. Doing this will go a long way toward healing your past so you can be present for this new baby. The mind always looks for a reason why things happen the way they do. But, in situations such as yours, there often is no clear reason. So the mind moves into blame and guilt and worry. All true healing takes place in the heart, not the mind.
So forgive yourself, and know that the baby you're carrying now is likely to be completely normal. (I'm certain that you've had all the prenatal tests necessary to determine this as far as medical science is able.) Then, tune into your baby and talk to him/her every day. Believe it or not, you and your baby can communicate clearly with each other simply because he/she is part of your body. On some level, this little soul knows what is going on and will be fine with your healing process. As you heal, you will naturally find yourself enjoying this pregnancy more.