Frustrated husbands?

Thanks for the input, lyonmane. I really appreciate it! It is nice to be able to read a man's point of view on the situation!! I hadn't noticed your reply until just now. We did get him checked out--which was a horrible thing in the process anyways--I think that was the worst thing for him so far in this process. It was just embarrassing and made him feel like an object. They put us in this room back in a corner, with a sign on it that says "collection is in process." If the whole thing wasn't awkward enough--

I will definitely use your advice and think about what you shared about your feelings. I have just noticed lately, ever since my husband's brother just had his first child, that my husband is starting to voice his desire for a child more, especially after we spend time with our niece. I've noticed that he shows me his disappointment more now, and that he is actually sharing his feelings too. It is kind of refreshing to hear him say, "Baaaaabe, I really want a baby." Or when we Christmas shop for our family, "Man, I need a little boy so I can play with all these toys."  :)

Good luck to you all too--hopefully you arent still TTC and have made it there already.  :)

Yes, this is normal. At least I hope it is because I'm a frustrated husband too.  In fact, I came across your note becasuse I was looking for a board to discuss this issue with other guys. I research info for a living and I can't find one! Probably because guys don't communicate all that well in general, which seems like what your guy might be a little guilty of. My wife and I had been TTC for months and it had begun to become frustrating until she became pregnant. However, the embryo died and we finally felt ready to try again (this month). My first feeling was, 'Oh no, not again.' And that feeling took me by surprise a bit. I want a kid desperately and we've had months of good non-TTC sex and here I was rolling my eyes at the prospect of perhaps months of what is no longer sex, just pretty much sperm deposits. The first time around, the first few months of trying were ok. It's sex. What's not to love? But then it gets monotonous.  Sex became all functional and the fun began to get lost somewhere along the way. We were in a similar situation where we had to go out but the wife wanted to slip in a quicky because her O day was approaching. We literally had like <5 minutes. This was the start of our frustration arguement. I wasn't in the mood. Put the pressure of time on it and it just wasn't happening. She didn't understand why I could be frustrated. If I'm getting all this sex out of the deal, how could I have room to complain? But the pressure of tring to conceive and the pressure to perform on command is just that - pressure. Add the pressure of not being able to get your wife pregnant no matter how often you have sex to that mix too. How about the pressure of seeing the woman you love get disappointed and sad every time she has her period? The look in her eyes as another friend announces another pregnancy? And of course my own intense want to be a dad. We just came back from a vacation to Disney and I fought back a few tears when I saw a dad and his kid having a blast together.

The best advice I can offer is to talk and be patient with him and the process.  (So easy I know, right?) Try to get him to talk too. There is a ton of info and support out there for women. There is not much for guys beyond tips for boosting your sperm count. And when your sperm count is fine there's nothing left to do but creep the mommies-to-be websites. Look at me now - I was trying to find a discussion board about a male point of view without success. I've been fortunate in a way to have guy friend who was in a similar boat with his wife and it's been comforting to know that I'm not alone in how I feel. I hope my reply helps you similarly. You're not alone. I look forward to the day when TTC, 'sticky bean', etc. are no longer relevent to my life and no longer part of my vocabulary. Lol. Good luck!

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I'm sorry. Trouble TTC can really take its toll on a couple. I think it's normal to get a little frustrated at times with the process and the pressure. I hope he was just having an off day.

I am sorry you have had this experience. I can relate to a point. Normally I am the one that gets upset or fustrated and then I feel so tired that we do not get "busy" so to speak. I found this website called fertilaid.com and I just bought the FertilAid and FertilAidCM for women and within the few days of taking it like it says, I have noticed a huge difference in my Sex Drive and they have a FertilAid for Men and I have noticed a huge difference in my Fiance's Sex Drive as well. I Highly Recommend you going to this website and reading all the success stories and the questions and answers. I have noticed a difference and maybe this will help you both. I truly wish you the best of luck and hope for you! Message me at anytime with questions about the product :)

I can't know exactly what he is thinking, but things are different for men.

Certain ways of ttc can make a man feel like his penis is no longer his own. That it is at the beck and call of your fertitlity and that he has little say in it. It can be emasculating.

Men are also oriented to accomplishing tasks and problem solving. To actively try to accomplish a task or solve a problem and to be unable to, makes them feel like a failure. He may feel like he is at fault for you being disappointed each month .And making a baby is not supposed to be hard. It can take an emotional toil on the man as well.

It is also a problem for some couples that something that should be enjoyable can start to feel like a chore for the man in particular. He would probably love to be seduced by you  but scheduled sex is a lot of pressure.

He needs to STOP taking care of things himself because he could be depleating the reserves!

When trying you should be having sex at least every other day. Maybe he should get checked out?

I wouldn't even tell him when ovulating, just jump him when its time lol. But definitly use ovulation test strips. You can get them really cheaply on the internet , I buy mine on ebay. Also only use pre-seed lube. Its the only sperm friendly lube on the market. All others can harm sperm or make it very hard for them to swim up!

Haha...thanks!! :) Yes, I think it must be very different for us women than it is for men in trying...It kind of comes across like it doesn't mean as much to him, but he says it does...but actions don't really match...maybe it isn't like that for all men though, I don't know.  :)