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Being happy for others
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How do you ladies stay happy when seeing a friend with a newborn, or finding out that someone is pregnant? I don't want to be disrespectful of such a happy time for my friends and family, but sometimes it just hurts too much to smile at them. Especially with those who know of the trouble DH and I are going through with TTC and some friends are less than sympathetic. So, is there a secret to being happy for others or is it something that I just have to keep working on? What do you tell yourself to get you through these moments?
Last Edited: 01/08/2013 - 12:44 PM | Replies
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- MzStubbornAries
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- momkey
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It is hard, we tried for 6 years, tried everything the doctor suggested, then gave up! Finally after changing jobs (both me and my husband who was told he was infertile changed jobs), me losing 25 pounds, I got pregnant, but we weren't trying, or stressing over it anymore! It was hard, to be happy for others those 6 years, but I always just thought about how much I just loved seeing babies! I hate the feeling of envy, anger, jealousy, or even the feeling of hate! So I try hard not to feel that towards anyone else!
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- Katiemdu
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I am still struggling with this, and being told it will happen when thtitmice is right, drives me mad! How is the time not right for someone who has been trying for years, but people who have given no thought to being a parent (who are more interested in drinking and partying than being a parent) The time is right without them even trying! I hope that all of our struggles with this are over soon, and we all have our bundles of joy in our arms soon!
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- TwoSapphires
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It can be tough. I think it's OK if you need some space sometimes, if there are times when you can't fake it.
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- hopeful777
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I agree with the other posts--I'm not sure if there really is any advice that could help anyone TTC this long to feel truly and genuinely pure-of-heart happy for everyone else. I try to tell myself, "yours is coming. Be happy for others, and others will be happy for you." But it always wears off--I can put on a smile and give gifts and hold babies, but after I leave and I'm alone and thinking of how happy they are and how much I want the same thing to happen for me, I still feel sad and I have to admit--jealous. I hate that word, but I have to admit it that I am jealous of some people. And I am so frustrated when I see pregnant women smoking, drinking, or talking like they don't care that they are pregnant. I don't think there is a way to understand why so many people who shouldn't have babies are so able to have children easily compared to some of the people who have planned and are ready. I'm sorry, I don't have any advice that would really help either :(
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- jasonlovessara
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I am so sorry - it is such a rough road.
When my H and I were trying it seemed like everyone was getting pregnant, you just seem to notice more. One of the girls that worked for me was a teen and got pregnant and wasn't trying and all that, and that was the worst.
I was very bitter. It is a horrible feeling.
I don't have any advice, I just wanted to wish you luck and I hope you find a way to deal with it so you weren't as bitter as I was.
I hope you get your BFP very soon
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- Katiemdu
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I am feeling the exact same way! We went to the shops today and saw so many pregnant ladies & tiny little babies! There was one couple who loaded a newborn baby and a toddler onto the front seat of their truck on the moms lap, while dad chain smoked in the car with no windows open! They are putting their childrens lives at risk, so how do they deserve a baby (or two) and we (who do not smoke, do not drink & have everything (including finances) ready to have a baby, and 2 years of trying & 2 miscarriages in a year, no baby! I feel so bitter and bitchy, hate looking at peoples pictures of their new babies and baby bumps! I wish I could feel happy for them, but how is it fair - people who drink & party while they are pregnant, or get pregnant by accident, deserve a baby & we just can't have one! There is one friend of mine that I was so happy for when she managed to adopt a baby earlier this year, because they had been trying for 9 years! Do any of you manage to be happy for others?
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