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Chat It Up!
... Florida. I hate the weather up here and love it down there. Anyone have any input/suggestions/advice? The kids already think we are going to move. It would be to the Tampa area. How are the schools? We live in a better town on the south shore and have almost 2 acres of land. I would prefer at least 1/2 acre in a better or planned community down there. I was thinking Brandon, but it is a city. I am concerned about schools, of course.
- 05/03/08 01:57 PM
mistermom
8 replies
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... public school, and we could live w/o needing to lock our doors. Unfortunately, vacationing there and living there are TWO very different things.
- May 3 2008, 03:37 PM
... good ones, though. Of course that could be just a relative term. I checked the US Dept of Education and found that Mass. at the top and Florida was half way down, or so on the list. I can't tell you how much I hate this cold weather. And of course the longer I wait, the harder it will be to move the kids if I decide later that I want to move. Where in Florida did you move to? Housing is so much cheaper down there. Thanks for your input.
- May 3 2008, 04:46 PM
... shot up dramatically and other costs sky rocketed too. In 2 -3 years, my taxes went from about 2,000 - 6,000. Insurance doubled and down there insurance companies have the right to drop you for "their own" protection. NO improvements in the schools that I could see. A number of day to day costs are very similar to where I am in NY. Job opportunities are much worse there. Unless you have an option to be transfered with your company from your current job? If this will make you feel better about staying in MA------You would become accustomed to the warmth there, so that when it is 60 outside you would feel chilly. Florida ranks their counties by education as well so that you can get more specific information. Even if iyou found a county that is ranked a little higher than another county I would be very leary. The attitudes of those in many of the private schools are, "thank god, we just need to get the kid out of the public school". It's not the same as the private schools in this area of NY, CT and MA. Different mentality.
- May 4 2008, 08:34 AM
... able to pick up an awesome deal. At least that will get you one step closer to being there fulltime.
- May 4 2008, 08:44 AM
... down there. Am presently trying to sell my house up here, but would go down there with about $400,000 cash. I think that would get me a decent house down there with a few bucks to put away for a rainy day. I guess the cost of living isn't any lower down there overall, though.
- May 7 2008, 11:15 PM
... period. I know and understand the "puberty" stage, but this is too much. She ALWAYS has a chip on her shoulder, she never has anything nice to say to her sister, her Aunt and even me most of the time. When she doesn't get her way. She ALWAYS "plays the victim". Nothing is EVER good enough for her. She knows right from wrong, and she will sometimes come and appologize, but nothing EVER changes. I take things away, she gets worse, and more mean towards her brother and sister. She always says hurtful and mean things to her sister. If things dont get better, I am taking her to someone to talk to. We used to be so close, and we would/did sit for hours talking about EVERYTHING. Now, 6 months later, I swear she hates me! I would really appriciate some advice, I feel like I am at a dead end on what to do.
- 05/06/08 11:19 PM
momx3x24x7x365
4 replies
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... have been going smoothly. I count my blessings every day she continues to come home from school and spill her guts to me, want to be with me, or seeks my advice. From what I hear from all my friends, I'm on borrowed time. I'm sure most of that is just her natural disposition, so I'm not sure I have anything helpful to say to you, but one thing I see her respond so well to is that we discuss the changes she's going through together, and strategize how to handle them -- in other words, we keep our eye on the goal -- getting through this stage (BOTH of us) with our sanity and relationship intact. So maybe it's worth sitting her down and saying "Look, I understand that you want me to know you hate me right now, and that things are difficult for you. But I don't think you really want to throw away our whole relationship over these feelings. I miss how we used to connect and I understand that maybe we can't do that anymore, or at least until you're past some of the difficult changes you're going through, but let's discuss what we can do to make this time easier for you, and easier for all of us." Something like that anyway. The point is to give her ownership of her actions, but also a voice in coming up with solutions. She's clearly not happy with how things are, and you're not, so in that way, you're in the same boat. Seek her input for how things might improve, and let her know the impact of her actions -- that might be half the battle right there: her feeling insignificant. Show her she's not -- don't hide that you're frustrated, but don't blame her either. That's my two cents anyway. Good luck!
- May 7 2008, 01:11 AM
punishment...it's kind of like returning to toddlerhood, but it might work. When she does good stuff, you shower her with positive attention, etc., and you ignore the bad behavior as much as possible.
Try to find ways to spend positive time with her when you're not discussing her transgressions, or anything that might trigger her...as you re-build a positive atmosphere, hopefully she will start to turn the corner...
Good luck -- I have a teen, too, but he's a boy, and I think they can be different (though believe me, it's still not easy!)
- May 7 2008, 07:59 AM
... to this new world they are entering, they are with the emotions of a 2 yr old.
- May 7 2008, 08:02 PM
... activities. She thinks that no one understands her, she dosent want to talk to us about her feelings so I got in touch with a counselor and hopes that it helps. Please help this desprate mom.
- 03/31/08 10:51 AM
happymom79
11 replies
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... do things with her that she likes (cooking, driving somewhere, playing cards), and just try to talk with her? It works with my boys (mostly on car rides)..
hope the counselor helps..
- Mar 31 2008, 05:08 PM
... she'll tell you. Dont push her! Thats what my mom did, which is why i never told her anything! You need to let her pass through this stage.
- Apr 5 2008, 03:47 PM
connect... lunch out alone with her, movie with just her. I get mouthing off too & we generally don't accept it, but I surely don't have a solution. Let me know if you find one. Good for you for talking with a counselor.
- Apr 28 2008, 10:51 PM
... here, but 11 seems young to me. I've seen the 8th grade girls at my kids' middle school wearing makeup, but not too many younger ones.
- Apr 24 2008, 01:02 AM
... allowed it, but had rules. She wasn't allowed to leave the house unless we saw her makeup job first, and they had to be very neutral colors. Like just one nude/light shade of eyeshadow, and that mascara that is clear. And of course not to crazy of a shade of lip gloss, maybe a little light pink blush. Again, VERY subtle shades of make up, to let her feel grown up, and not look like a drag queen. No eye liner, no foundation, maybe a bit of powder, but make sure you do the make up shopping with her to help her make the right choices in colors that go with her skin tone. As she gets older, she's going to try some things that don't look good, and for some of it you just have to let her go to school like that, and let her friends tell her it doesn't look good, but as young as she is, i think the trade off of being able to wear it, for having to follow rules, is a good one. Good luck, she is now going to go from 11-18 in about 2 hours LOL!
- Apr 24 2008, 10:51 AM
... my opinion), you can just say that. You should probably be ready to tell her at what age she would be able to.
- Apr 24 2008, 12:49 PM
... used to enhance your features and should look natural, and that with good skincare your face will glow without having to wear a full face of makeup. Maybe an eyebrow sculpting. That makes a world of difference to a face without makeup. If she wants to still wear it after that, I'd only allow very neutral shades like HannyBannany suggests of mascara and lip gloss. Tell her that makeup causes acne if she doesn't know how to wear it.
- Apr 24 2008, 01:05 PM
... specific rules. My daughter who's 9 has on occasion worn some tinted lip-gloss/lip-stick. But I remember when she about 4 or 5- I about Freaked when she got makeup as a B-day Present ! It somehow got misplaced (By Me) and luckily she soon forgot about it.
-Good Luck
- Apr 24 2008, 01:12 PM
so (i'm a single mom)...is it ok to leave him alone? He says he's ready.
- 02/26/08 08:20 AM
Anonymous
13 replies
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and sometimes stayed on the phone with them. Before long, the trips got longer and the phone calls shorter. Then we worked on leaving just one home the same way. It's been fine -- they know the rules (no phone but to me, no door answering, no cooking, etc) and think of that time as kind of a treat and a sign they're growing up. I've been dating a guy recently and have left them with a DVD while I go out, too, in addition to now being able to grocery shop and handle other errands on my own. It's been a good transition for everyone to make. 10 seems about right -- if he's a responsible kid. (Some can probably handle it at 8 while some are too "young" at 15!). Good luck and let us know how it goes...
- Feb 26 2008, 08:36 AM
...clear about the phone, etc. Running to the market should be fine.
- Feb 26 2008, 11:23 AM
...him cell #'s and a what to do list for emergancies. Try it for 30 minutes to see what he does. BUT I wouldn't leave him alone at night till he's older. The mind can play tricks on kids at night. (that is what my daughter tells me.) Hope that helps you? ~Country_Momma~
- Feb 26 2008, 11:41 AM
... stops .
- May 1 2008, 06:02 PM
... work with her but when i'm not around she put down the books and listen to raggae music and write her own music. That scares me because of what words she uses to express herself and others.
- 04/26/08 09:05 AM
dove
2 replies
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... a good guide for you.
- Apr 28 2008, 04:51 PM
... sounding truly depressed or suicidal? Dropping grades and lack of interest in activities that she used to love can be a sign of depression, but it's hard to tell. I agree that it might be good to talk to a school counselor, or anyone who you think might have some insight into your daughter that you might not have.
- Apr 28 2008, 05:44 PM
Anonymous
7 replies
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... I would start with the basics of the reproductive system and how its counterpart in a male just "fits" to accomplish the goal of conception.
- Mar 24 2008, 05:16 PM
... school at the moment. But in the case that she does really not know what sex is I think you should tell her, it will only lead to problems in the next few yrs if she is clueless about sex. You can go to the librarys and they have great books that are aimed at children as young as 6-7 yrs old. Also if you have a chapters book store around your area go there they have awesome books the ingross the mind on this subject, Im in the middle of teaching the basics of babies to my 6 yr old at the moment and I am sure that your 11 yr old knows where babies come from so whatever you add on this she will already know.
- Apr 2 2008, 12:26 PM
... mom a lot more if she had been the one to tell me. She never even discussed the topic with me! :[
- Apr 5 2008, 03:45 PM
... mother doing this. It ruined not just my mom and my relationship, but the relationship with my friend too! Your daughter will be able to work this out. :]
- Apr 5 2008, 03:41 PM
... good idea) but when it got bad at one point i did say to my friend, "i think our kids are going thru a bit of a rough time" -- so i made sure not to blame it on her kid. And we were both able to talk to our kids and eventually they worked it out.
- Apr 11 2008, 10:02 AM
by a ' they'll probably be friends again by next week... or maybe ask your daughter if she wants you to bring it up
- Apr 26 2008, 05:00 PM
...23-year-old boyfriend in the boyfriend's home, which is also a popular hangout for the boyfriend's college friends. We think an 11-year-old has no business having sleepovers with 20-somethings, and my husband's ex thinks it's perfectly fine. (Not to mention we have issues with this particular 19-year-old girl, who a few years ago let our 13-year-old son drive a different boyfriend's car in exchange for his allowing her entry into his mother's house when no one was home so she could have sex with her then-boyfriend.) We've gone as far as consulting a lawyer to see if there's anything we can do legally to stop this, since my husband has joint custody. But we were told that unless child services is called and they actually catch our daughter in these kids' home when there's questionable activity going on, there's not much we can do from a legal standpoint. Anyone have other ideas?
- 01/15/08 01:31 PM
Anonymous
10 replies
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sleep over... and completely right to be concerned. I have no advice-- but please keep pressing it! I'm glad you're doing everything you can to stop this because it sounds like a dangerous situation for your kids!
- Jan 15 2008, 02:26 PM
...while your step-daughter is there. I hate those rules where someone has to get hurt before any action is taken. The situation is clearly dangerous.
- Jan 17 2008, 01:05 AM
...the 11 year old what they do over there and anything else. Sorry, im not very helpful with kinda stuff,im a babysitter lol
- Jan 29 2008, 10:52 AM
...umbrella of what that covers -- it is anything that impacts the health, education, or religious upbringing of a child. And this DEFINITELY will affect the child's mental health. So I would consult a different attorney, preferably one who specializes in father's rights.
- Feb 4 2008, 05:37 PM
...neglect that you could do with regards to the current custody agreement.
Why is the ex allowing this? Is it because she has no one to watch the kid at that time? Could you guys tell her how uncomfortable it makes you, and ask her to let you guys take the kid when necessary, rather than letting her go to the neighbor's?
- Feb 4 2008, 08:48 PM
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