My husband is back after nine months in Iraq, and it feels like I'm married to a stranger. How can we reconnect?

It's not easy to adjust to civilian life after nearly a year at war. For that matter, it's not easy to adjust to having your husband back in the home after running the household your way for nine months. Both of you have to be ready to make some changes.

First, give your husband some space to reconnect with civilian life. Encourage him to reestablish ties with friends and family, and reintroduce him to some of his favorite hobbies. Be wary, though, if these activities involve drugs or alcohol, since substance abuse can poison any efforts to build relationships.

After your husband starts to rid the desert sand from his brain and body, get him involved in pitching in with household activities that he can see as "his." Make sure to give him plenty of positive feedback about the contributions he makes. As he feels more grounded and confident, you can begin to ask him to get more involved in household or finance duties that had been "yours" before his return. Don't be in too much of a rush to make that emotional connection; it will come with time. For guys, sometimes actions come first, then words.

Remember: be patient, don't push, don't judge and don't criticize. Soon you'll find he will start to let his guard down, and you'll have the foundation for rebuilding a strong and loving relationship.