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Mommy Brain

Where did my mind go?

Thanks to Paula Iwamoto-Schaap

When my daughter was 4-years old, she told me very matter-of-factly that I wasn't very smart.

In her eyes, I was the mommy who forgot things all the time, who got frustrated when she couldn't remember a phone number or if we needed to buy milk. I didn't go off to work in a big office building in the city like daddy, therefore I couldn't be very smart.

She didn't see me as the woman who had a master's degree and formerly managed million-dollar research grants, the woman who got straight As in school and was dubbed "Professor" in sixth grade. All my life I was the smart girl. But now my own daughter thought I was stupid.

Most mothers of young children go through numerous "I-miss-my-brain" moments, but I found this conversation particularly disturbing. Had I really lost it? True, I was constantly tired and I hadn't adjusted particularly well to being a stay-at-home mom, but it scared me to death to think that I might have passed some intellectual point of no return.

Recently I went to a new doctor and, while discussing my flu-like symptoms, I said that I thought the germs had been "vectored to me" by one of my kids. After hearing my vocabulary, he seemed inordinately surprised when I said that I was a stay-at-home mom. Yet even though I explained myself clearly, he typed "works at home" into my file. I found that insulting. It was like he was refusing to believe that someone who displayed a bit of brainpower could possibly be "just" a mom.

So who's right: my daughter, who views mommy as a loving dimwit, or the doctor, who was surprised that I had a brain left in my head? The truth is that I'm just an intelligent person whose mental capacity took a big hit from the strain of caring for young children. Will I ever regain my brain? Will it ever completely come back? I wish I knew.

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AmandaRH
AmandaRH
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6/17/2009 - 5:16PM
Report Abuse 		I know just how you feel. I graduated high school and became a Nurse Aide at 16, an RN at 18 and a was a certified paralegal by 20. Then I helped my husband begin his construction business. Now I am a stay at home mom and tend to forget the dumbest things. My common sense has long since departed. The worst thing to me is when I have the opportunity to speak with other adults they seem confused by my intelligence. I hear "You have so much potential. Why don't you go to school and get a real job?" I cried to my husband about it and he later bought me a shirt that read "I didn't lose my mind-my kids took it!"
mellowmama
mellowmama
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1/16/2009 - 11:36AM
Report Abuse 		I know what you're talking about with the "Mommy Brain" situation. I tend to get forgetful sometimes too. It's hard not to. We women have a lot to juggle in our lives. As long as you know you are not stupid then don't pay attention to what others say. It's your opinion of yourself that matters more. Your daughter will one day grow up and find out what "mommy brain" means,lol. and as for the doctor: he needs to wise up and realize that smart women come from all walks of life.
kevinbone
kevinbone
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11/14/2008 - 4:36PM
Report Abuse 		When we were having our first child we struggled a bit over whether my wife would continue working. The overriding interest was that the children would get the best care possible and preparation for the world through education, social stimulation and environmental interaction. When it came down to it, there was no way we could afford to hire someone with a Master's degree to provide exclusive attention to our children, so my wife took the gig. She has been active with all our children volunteering in their pre-school and school, working in civic organizations and active in church functions. The result is four of the best adapted children we could have. When I became disabled 5 years ago, it became necessary for her to return to the workplace. On her resume she listed the project management skills she had acquired managing four schedules (plus mine and hers) with various goals and objectives. She also listed her volunteer, civic and church experience. The result was that she was immediately hired into the job she wanted the most. I say, "hooray!" for stay at home moms. Theres is truly the most important job there is.
saltymom
saltymom
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3/19/2008 - 4:32PM
Report Abuse 		I am a former brainiac. Pregnancy and motherhood has certainly taken a toll on my smarts. Sometimes I even forget that I used to be smart. One of these days I will hopefully find my brain again.
Mom2Karma
Mom2Karma
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3/10/2008 - 12:42PM
Report Abuse 		I really believe my mind left me at the moment of conception. I was really forget full and spacey during pregnancy. Everyone always said "That is pregnancy brain" Well it stayed after I had my daughter. I had a 4.0 in school and studied in the medical field for two years of collage and now I can't even remember why I walked into a room. :( I can still do good with school work because I help my nieces and nephews all the time. When it comes to everyday things my mind is just not there. I have post it notes in every room of my house so I can write stuff down and remember everything.
Takkaras_mom
Takkaras_mom
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2/24/2008 - 6:43PM
Report Abuse 		I thought I was the only one!!!! My daughter is almost 3 and I swear since I've been at home with her my brain has taken a vacation. I find myself search for simple words( I used to be so articulate) If I don't do something as soon as I think about it or write it done, I will forget and then spend forever trying to remember what i was supposed to do...I feel stupid!! I'm 32 and I've NEVER felt stupid ever(I don't even like that word)But thank you for sharing your story and letting me and other know we're not alone, hope fully we can find were we put those lost brain cells, maybe mine are in my big mommy purse next to the pacifier, fruit bar and the strawberry shortcake dolls....
javapaul
javapaul
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2/17/2008 - 9:51PM
Report Abuse 		I agree with Sherry. Definitely make time (easier said than done, I know) to feed your soul. It's especially hard on those of us who work from home; we don't have that day-to-day interaction with co-workers peering over the cubicle. What's lost is not your brain, but the habit of interacting with grown-ups over things besides parenting.
Sherry
Sherry
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2/1/2008 - 2:14PM
Report Abuse 		You don't need to regain your brain; it obviously isn't lost! :-) I've discovered that it is so important to feed other parts of myself beside the "mom" part. I love to attend author's readings or book groups or writing circles to keep those parts of my mind alive. Something as simple as a two-hour workshop on the environment or woodworking can help to keep the brain feeling fresh and useful!


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