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Looking for Father's Day

When you're the daughter of a deadbeat dad, it's tough to feel festive on Father's Day.

Submitted by NicoleTN

I grew up in the seventies, which happened to be an era ripe with deadbeat dads. Of course that phrase hadn't even been coined yet, but as kids my siblings and I knew what our father was: GONE. To be fair, at that time the role of father wasn't viewed as being as important as the role of mother, so many dads excused themselves from parenting … and from child support.

I remember my mother taking my father to court for back child support. He didn't even bother to show up half the time and he still got away with not paying! My dad's male lawyer and the male judge thought my dad was a fun guy who deserved to be off having a great time while my mother and we three kids kept the Campbell Soup company in business.

When I became a mom myself, I realized that I had no idea how to make my husband's first Father's Day special. I'd never celebrated it, ever. I knew that I could buy him a card and a nice dinner, but I was having trouble figuring out how to put the spirit of this day into my own heart.

Then this morning, it came to me. As I was drinking my coffee and singing along to the Teletubbies' theme, I saw my daughter look up at my husband. The look she had on her face was astounding, and he gazed back at her with the same expression. It was one of deep love and dedication. They exchange this look a hundred times a day. It conveys a connection that runs so deep that I know this man will be at every recital, every school play and every sporting event she ever has. This is the notion of fatherhood that I will try to embrace on that Sunday in June. After all these years of ignoring it, I want Father's Day to be special for me, too.

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PROUD_MOM2
PROUD_MOM2
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7/2/2009 - 2:15AM
Report Abuse 		I personally don't have a dead beat dad but my son and daughter will. It's going to be the hardest trying to explain to them the idiotic choice their sperm donor has made. My kids are 13 months apart and he went off and got some other girl pregnant at the time I was 4 months pregnant and he chose them over us. So therefore neither one of my kids will know their biological father.
lisa5089
lisa5089
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6/20/2009 - 4:56PM
Report Abuse 		well iam letting the courts,handle,its out of my hands,ive done what was told of me to do.
lisa5089
lisa5089
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6/20/2009 - 4:54PM
Report Abuse 		i have a dead beat dad for my kids never been there from day one the kids dont even no who he is ,but i do no one thing ive,been dad and mom the best way i no how,so ive came this far who needs him god will make him pay for that one day and he no the kids are his.
Vinnysmilf
Vinnysmilf
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6/19/2009 - 11:53AM
Report Abuse 		Sadly I don't acknowledge my father's existance since he was such an a$$! He was home every night but basically ignored us. Most of the time his birthday and father's day are the same day (June 15) so hopefully it stings him twice as hard when he doesnt hear from me.
prittimama
prittimama
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1/27/2009 - 11:24AM
Report Abuse 		i have a dad but i dont think my new baby will. i just wanted to read this article to give me some insight on how to relate. thanks so much for sharing.
mamaluv
mamaluv
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6/13/2008 - 3:27PM
Report Abuse 		It's so funny...while growing up, I always felt obligated to do something for my absentee dad for father's day. Now I totally FORGET about him until the night before (because I'm so busy thinking about the really SPECIAL dad who deserves a special day - my hubby!!!!) I guess it's just a blessing to have SOMEONE we want to celebrate for Father's Day, right?!?!?!? ;-)
Elizabeth
Elizabeth
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6/2/2008 - 1:59PM
Report Abuse 		I always had a hard time buying father's day cards for my dad, because it seemed like such a crock...he was not that dad. My husband has been an amazing dad to his kids -- completely there, totally in love and involved. What a difference we have made in one generation.
Jensfive
Jensfive
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5/28/2008 - 7:55AM
Report Abuse 		I understand as well, most of my life my Dad was absent, then my Mom remarried a wonderful man whose been my Dad wolehearedly since. He is the embodiment of everything you think a Dad should be. I had a hard time with Father's Day for awhile, but we worked it out and now I spend time with him, and somtimes get him presents, sometimes not. Presents aren't required, showing him that I love him is. Also my Hubby is a Daddy to 5 and his Father's days are most special, I think, when my kids make him somethin and want to be with him, not rushing to the store to spend a ton of money on something.
DevaD
DevaD
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5/12/2008 - 7:09PM
Report Abuse 		I totally hear you! I had a deadbeat dad as well and am so greatful my daughter has such an amazing Daddy!


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