The Milk of Human Unkindness

Why are Americans such prudes about breastfeeding in public?

I don't know about you all but I am sick and tired of hearing about the horror of breastfeeding in public. We are the only country in the world that bans and ostracizes mothers who just want to feed their young!

These days there are ads promoting breastfeeding—which is great—but we really need to change people's hearts and minds in order to make a difference. It is so sad that we live in a world that is filled with sex and porn and violence but yet when a mother discreetly feeds her child in public, she is scorned and gossiped about.

I lived in Japan for two years and they are so wonderful and accommodating to mothers over there. At every train station, airport and mall there were large clean rooms with bottle signs on the doors. These lovely rooms had access to tap and purified water, ample electrical outlets, soft couches and chairs, and curtains that could be pulled around the booths. I felt at home feeding my baby in there.

My first experience breastfeeding in public in the U.S. was a very different experience. I landed at the L.A. airport and found that they didn't have a changing or breastfeeding room, so I attempted to feed in the terminal with a blanket over me. But across the way there was a man staring at me and two old women making loud, inappropriate comments. I finally retreated to the public bathroom. It was emotionally disturbing to feed my child where thousands of people a week do their "business." I was angry and crying the entire time. Can't people in this country be a little more accommodating of the next generation's nutrition and well being … not to mention the sanity of the mother who is trying to provide for her child?!

(By the way, I'm not putting down moms who feed their babies formula. I fed my daughter formula when I went back to work. Either way is fine by me. Personal choice!)

Comments

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tookyb Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 10/29/2009 - 10:57PM Report Abuse	I don't think the same kind of prejudice against women breastfeeding in public exists in Australia. However I remember one incident a few years back where an Australian politician tried to breastfeed her baby during parliament and was asked to go out of the Chamber. This was because there is a law that only elected representatives can be on the floor of parliament. They have since modified the Chambers slightly so that breastfeeding mothers can sit off to the side, and breastfeed whilst still being able to hear what is going on and not break the law. Australia currently has a fairly low breast feeding rate (mostly due to working mothers having to go back to work after the baby is born) and the government is working hard to try to lift the breast feeding rate. The implentation of paid maternity leave next year should help with that. The only time I have been uncomfortable about seeing anyone breastfeed in public was when I once saw a toddler, around 3 years old, walk up to her mother, pull down her top, and start breastfeeding. That made me slightly uncomfortable, not because of the breastfeeding, but because of the age of the child. I then felt uncomfortable about feeling uncomfortable because it is every woman's choice how long she breast feeds for.
Cheeriowrangler Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 10/21/2009 - 12:09PM Report Abuse	I nursed my daughter for 8 months. She got big really quickly, so my little 6 month old baby kind of looked like a toddler sticking out from under the blanket to anyone else. Now, I had tolerated the looks and rude comment and had brushed aside all the rude people until then. But when people started actually turning up their noses and asking me why I was still nursing such a big "child"(she was a baby!), that's when I lost it. I went nuts. I was quite embarrassing, I will admit, but I just got super sick of it. One lady was staring at me so hard, I popped Harmonie off my breast and asked the lady if she was staring so hard because she wanted some. She turned red and took off. I've had waiters (and waitresses) ignore me while nursing her and have complained to managers. I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt like it wasn't me that was being predjudiced againt, I felt like it was my daughter. What was she? Some kind of midget size prisoner? I think not! So why should she have to eat where you just took a dump? Would you eat if I put your plate on the toilet? She had no choice! No one was gonna treat me or my baby like aliens just because they didn't like our choice. I say OUR choice, because newborn babies are born with the inherent knowledge to nurse ( though, yes, before someone who thinks I suck starts arguing, I realize it takes time to develop an that some babies have physical reasons they can't). I'm due with my second daughter in January and guess what, world? SHE'S GONNA BE A BOOBIE BABY TOO!
AirenWolf Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 9/30/2009 - 4:44PM Report Abuse	It's funny that most of the people who are for breastfeeding in public characterize ALL Americans as prudes and sexually immature. We aren't all that way! I breastfed both my girls wherever I was...I simply wasn't allowed to have a howling hungry baby in a public place without all the little old ladies and mothers in the room holding the blanket, surrounding me to keep the guys away, and berating me for making them wait. I live in Missouri...the heart of the supposed Bible Belt so all the criticism of Judeo-Christians doesn't fit. If you don't like to see boobs you are in the wrong century my friends...bobs are there everyday even during cartoon hours. Oddly enough only my own father had problems with me openly breastfeeding while I was learning, but that had to do with his desire to see me as his sweet little girl not because he considered breastfeeding to be immoral or wrong. He simply had mixed feelings about seeing his little girl's breasts, a position I respected and never felt bad about his leaving the room or leaving the room myself during that crucial learning curve. It's not that hard to learn to wrangle a blanket over yourself but if you have a helping hand it's so much easier! I agree with other's who have said...either avert your eyes or strike up conversation, politely. I love talking about my kids and have no body shame that makes me uncomfortable with strangers seeing my sweat glands...that's what breasts are after all, enlarged sweat glands that produce food for nourishing babies. Welcome to biology 101! Can you just imagine the furor if all sweat glands were suddenly considered immodest? "WOUld you PLEASE cover your armpits Ma'am??" Sheesh what a world.
poohbear1205 Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 9/23/2009 - 12:57PM Report Abuse	It should not be this big of deal, how did people react when formula wasnt around in the old days? Its a womens choice to breastfeed or bottle. Why would it be such a big deal. I have a 3 1/2 yr old whom i breast feed untill she was 9 month when she weaned her self, expecting my 2nd one in Dec,209. I will breastfeed her and not really caring what others think about it. Its my choice to do so and give my child the best of care. If you have a problem with it turn your head the other way, dont just stare and make comments first of all grow up and act your age not your IQ.
aslin1975 Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 9/1/2009 - 1:49PM Report Abuse	In Puerto Rico it's illegal to ask a woman not to breastfeed in public; and every gubernamental office should have a breast feeding designated area. They would cordially ask you to use that area,but can not make you go behind doors to feed your baby. For those who does not know, Puerto Rico is an island in the Caribbean that belongs to the US. I move to Texas about a 8 month ago, and yes,I have felt "looked at" when I breastfeed my baby in public. Truth is,I don't know if is bacause my latin heritage... but I could't care less that it makes people uncomfortable. My baby is not going to go hungry because of this. Breast has been sexualized, but it is human nature to breastfeed our babies! Our breast produce milk while pregnant to prepare for your babies arrival... doesn't that give you a hint? God created them to breastfeed and if anyone has an issue with it should not keep you from doing what is right. It's our duty to educate people about it. Brestfeeding is Natural, Healthy, and Beautyfull.
gudusty Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 8/30/2009 - 8:44AM Report Abuse	First of all, I am not American but I have lived here for 6 1/2 years now. I was shocked about how prude Americans are with everything regarding infant/baby nudity period. I breastfed my son until he was 9 months old and weened himself. My husband (who is American) acted as though it was a deadly sin to show any milli-inch of skin when we were at the airport/on an airplane with our 5 week-old son trying to breastfeed. Like someone said, having a squirming, hungry infant in your arm while trying to pull a blanket over yourself and him with one hand, then tucking it under your chin to try to undress to breastfeed is a disaster. If for a second there I leave a 1 inch hole for predators to get a glimpse of anything remotely skin-colored, then I am terribly sorry. I come from a culture (Germany) where women just pop their boobs out in front of anyone to breastfeed. Now I personally do not want to do that, but I can surely tolerate it. To CaroleRivkah: I respect your opinion but frankly do not find it very practical at all. Breastfeeding moms would have to stay home 24/7 in order to always get the privacy you ask for to feed their infants. Yes, I tried doing it privately whenever possible (like sit in the back of the car at the grocery store, go into a family restroom - gross - at the mall etc.), but: a) Not every infant is on a perfect feeding schedule. b) Breastfeeding also serves as a form of calming your infant down when he/she is NOT hungry. There are always times and instances where you just cannot be 100% private and I think the American people should respect that and get over it. I find it disturbing how unnatural any form of nudity is presented to babies and toddlers. No wonder they end up thinking nudity is dirty and bad. By nudity, I mean being able to decently breastfeed in public, or for example changing your toddler's clothing in your own home or at you in-law's or something. I don't even think letting a toddler run around naked in the backyard if it's hot outside is a big deal (although we never do it), but people, chill out, they are just babies. They won't remember, but it will also help them to not think of nudity as bad and forbidden. My son is 2 1/2 and I will bathe with him until he decides he doesn't want to anymore. Nudity is just as uncomfortable as you make it out to be. And yes, if you give a breastfeeding mom an uncomfortable expression then she will feel uncomfortable, too. No wonder most American mothers I know gave up trying to breastfeed within the first 2 weeks. Being a bottle-feeding mother is so much more accepted in this culture. PS: I, too, have nothing against bottle-feeding, I just feel like mothers are being encouraged to bottle-feed too much because it is more convenient for everyone around them. I substituted with a few bottles here and there where I needed a night off at the movies or something.
CaroleRivkah Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 8/21/2009 - 5:02PM Report Abuse	I think that women have the right to breastfeed and that it is a natural function. However, as many other natural bodily functions, I think it should be done in private because it exposes body parts that are not considered appropriate to expose (in the the U.S.), this is why people are uncomfortable with it (and the contraptions they sell to hide don't really do the trick but they help a little). I feel the same way about people who change their children "anywhere" as opposed to in a restroom (actually, I feel much, much, stronger about that, this is really gross, in my opinion). I agree that accomodations (like maybe anterooms or lounges in public bathrooms) should definitely be provided for women who want to breastfeed, but women should lobby for that, it won't happen on its own.
Tif22483 Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 8/19/2009 - 5:14PM Report Abuse	Today was my first experience breast feeding in public, My mom and I were out for lunch and my 3 week old daughter was hungry too, my mom told me to just feed her. So I did. I had both breast and baby covered and the entire time of her feeding, I noticed a table of men staring and our server didn't stop by until we was finished. I felt a little uncomfortable in the beginning but figured if she's hungry, and we're already eating, might as well feed her too. I'm curious to know how things are going to be when I'm at the mall and she's hungry.
CristalBee Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 8/14/2009 - 1:01AM Report Abuse	3happypenguins, if you don't want to see anyone's boobs, don't look. If someone said looking at your face made them uncomfortable, would you wear a mask?
ValerieLZM Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 8/13/2009 - 10:35PM Report Abuse	I would be very embarassed if I were with my teenage son, my husband, or both and we witnessed a woman breastfeeding. are you serious buchele?! do you also feel funny if you are with them and walk by one of the huge ads at Victoria's Secret with a half naked woman on them? what a silly thing to say! i hope you realize how you sound.
pantha Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 8/13/2009 - 10:34PM Report Abuse	I nursed three kids and had many bad experiences with judgemental and embarrassed poeple. Even at family gatherings, I was shooed into the back bedroom so that noone would have to think about me breastfeeding even though my baby and breast were covered completely. I also felt endlessly upset about men trying to catch a quick peek when I was nursing in public. It seemed like something so natural should be easy and not such a big deal. One day my kids and I were knocking on the family restroom door at the mall and a mom finally opened the door. She was hiding there to nurse her new baby. I felt bad for her ...that she had to feel that way...
preschool2mom Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 8/6/2009 - 1:00PM Report Abuse	whoa- why did god and religion get brought into this? and saying it's shameful- ok try this next time you go to feed your child while you at the mall/park/resturant and you pull the bottle out of your diaper bag, first you have to pick up your baby then put a blanket over their heads (make sure you make it nice and stuffy so they can breath well) then while using only one hand (because your other is holding your child) keep the blanket up and covering the baby and pick up the bottle get it under the blanket and put it in your childs mouth.- It's not easy is it- i think if bottle mothers (which there is nothing wrong with bottle feeding i'm just saying the ones who are bitching about breastfeed) had to cover their children and bottle everytime they feed they would feel differently! oh and for those who nursed for a year and never showed their boobs, great job for u some of us would like to still leave the house- you never know when or where your child will be hungry
mikeroy Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 8/6/2009 - 12:44PM Report Abuse	i think you should feed your babe , and to hell with ever one
mikeroy Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 8/6/2009 - 12:44PM Report Abuse	i think you should feed your babe , and to hell with ever one
brittanyh1804 Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 7/21/2009 - 2:50PM Report Abuse	i totally agree with this! When i was pregnant with my son, breastfeeding was shoved down my throat everytime i went to the doc. I opted not to (my personal choice) but if you chose to, where can you feed your child?! at home and in the smelly bathroom where strangers go to poop?! I dont think so, Lets fight get these woman someplace that doesnt smell like crap to feed in public.
Saraneth Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 7/21/2009 - 2:37PM Report Abuse	I would have just flipped those people off. Or started making rude and inappropriate comments about them. 'HEY, SHE'S OLD. WONDER WHY SHE'S NOT DEAD YET?!' Hahahaha. I'm sorry, I'm evil. I hate the way breastfeeding is viewed and I will slap anyone with a breastpump that tries to tell me to stop. >:O
Charlie_Rose Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 7/15/2009 - 11:31AM Report Abuse	"The problem is that many shameless women whip their breast out in public for ALL to see, and if anybody requests that they breastfeed more discreetly, they whine like the little babies that they are (speaking of the women of course) and cry out "injustice!"" So what do you have to say about all the teenyboppers walking around with low cut tank tops showing off their boobs to whoever is passing by? At least a breastfeeding woman is using her body to nourish a human life rather than showing off her breasts for the sake of vanity. By the way, if you read the article, above, you will learn that the woman who wrote this covered her child with a blanket and was STILL criticized. There's nothing shameless about feeding a child. Now if the woman is completely buck-naked that's another story, but a breastfeeding baby gets you all riled up? Take a chill pill - there are worse things in the world to worry about.
juliannepigeon Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 6/28/2009 - 7:03PM Report Abuse	What a wonky forum: Breasts have been sexualized to different degrees throughout history by different cultures, this I'll acknowledge. But dating breast sexualization in our culture to Judeo-Christianity is, indeed, modern. Wherever it comes from for contemporary Americans is irrelevant. For me, there are two bottom lines: 1. If a woman is breastfeeding in public, discreetly or indiscreetly, we need to keep our eyes and our comments to ourselves. 2. Keep your religion off my body.
juliannepigeon Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 6/28/2009 - 7:00PM Report Abuse	I'm due two days before my twenty-first, but didn't intend on getting pregnant until at I least had graduated from college or hit twenty-five. There are a surprising amount of really young moms on here.
3happypenguins Send a Note Send a Gift Write on ME page 6/22/2009 - 11:31AM Report Abuse	juliannepigeon wrote: "the sexualization of breasts is a pretty modern Western thing to begin with" Too bad in modern Western culture people are completely ignorant about history. Do I really need to say more? Perhaps I do. Breasts have always been sexualized! And there are plenty of documents from antiquity to back that up! Now addressing the breastfeeding in public issue, it is NOT prudishness to believe that it is SHAMEFUL for women to expose their breasts in public. If a woman wants to breastfeed in public, and put a blanket over her baby and her breast, that is modest and acceptable. The problem is that many shameless women whip their breast out in public for ALL to see, and if anybody requests that they breastfeed more discreetly, they whine like the little babies that they are (speaking of the women of course) and cry out "injustice!" I'm sorry, but I don't want to see your boob. It's not "just boobs." After Adam and Eve sinned against God in the garden of Eden, God clothed them for a REASON. Unfortunately, our Western culture has become like... well... Romans chapter 1.