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122

The Romance of Trying

Sex for baby-making is anything but sexy.

Submitted by Erin

Who knew that trying to have a baby could be so stressful? My first pregnancy was a wonderful accident that took us completely by surprise, so the idea of trying to conceive felt like a new, romantic adventure. When we first decided to try to have another baby, I envisioned romantic evenings spent over bottles of Pinot Noir. I pictured sexy lingerie and long back rubs, romantic whispers and building excitement.

And for a few days, it was fun! We hurried to put our son to bed and then spent the evenings together, eating romantic dinners and making out on the couch. We winked at each other during the day and even tried one morning before the baby woke up and my husband had to scurry off to work.

Just when I was beginning to enjoy the whole trying thing, I foolishly decided to check out an online fertility calculator. It started out simple enough: I plugged in the first day of my last period and it calculated my fertile days for the month. It claimed that I had a small chance of getting pregnant on January 3 and 4 and that my most fertile days were January 5 through 8. A quick glance at the calendar showed me that I only had only two more fertile days left in the month. We were facing a looming deadline! No more spontaneity. No more romance. We had to get crackin'!

Suddenly trying went from being fun and laid-back to a stressful race against the fertility clock. Although we ended up trying as often as possible during my most fertile days, I have to admit that I'm a little worn out. I've had enough—enough romance, enough lingerie. Enough sex!

Who knows, maybe next month I'll be up for more, but for now, I'll settle for Ben & Jerry's, flannel pajamas and Law & Order. Or better yet, maybe I'm pregnant and won't have to worry about that whole baby-making thing for a long time.

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jlc02
jlc02
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12/12/2008 - 1:34PM
Report Abuse 		My husband and i have just begun our baby makin journey! I have read before that you should just relax and dont stress over it. So i try to keep that in mind. I dont even know when i ovulate..my cycle isnt regular since i've been off b/c ..so that is kind of what helps me not panic about the small opportunity we have a month..b/c we dont know! :) we just "do it" every other day or so. no stress here!
JynMeyer
JynMeyer
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12/7/2008 - 6:17PM
Report Abuse 		We already have five and we tried decided to try for the first time a month or so ago, for #6. Up until now it has all been about how NOT to get pregnant. It was really clinical and frusterating for me with the basal thermometers, the fertility sticks, checking cervical changes daily, hourly... and then, when you think maybe it about that time... trying over and over just for the sake of getting pregnant... my husband actually commented he felt a tad used. :P This last month I just said, "Bah, whatever" and decided not to worry about it. It's all in God's hands. We didnt even try at all this last month and lo and behold, I just found out I'm pregnant. :) But I agree, there was no romance in trying and it really took the love out of it.
montarajoy
montarajoy
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9/24/2008 - 6:17AM
Report Abuse 		I think the most romantic thing is just to let it happen. If you're not ready - use birth control. If you are, then stop using birth control and just be ready for the day when you realize it has finally happened!
JediMommy
JediMommy
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9/23/2008 - 1:32PM
Report Abuse 		We just found out we're pregnant after trying for 19 months.. I would dread the first signs of my period because it had come to represent a missed opportunity. A few times I was late enough to warrant doing the pregnancy tests, only to have them be negative.. The whole time, all my mommy friends would tell me to "let it go", "you want it too much", "stop thinking about it" and it drove me NUTS!! It's not like I had sex with "that" in mind, you know.. Anyway, recently I had decided to concentrate my efforts on something else that required me NOT getting pregnant.. and low and behold, I found out last week we are indeed pregnant.. so, I guess it really does help not to focus on that.. just have fun, try to relax.. G-d only gives you what you can handle when the time is right..
navywife777
navywife777
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8/2/2008 - 5:01PM
Report Abuse 		Absolutely true! I've found that buying a few fun games - dice are the cheapest and fastest! - and making myself put on lingerie, light some candles, and put on some sexy smelling lotion really helps.
DEANNEJM
DEANNEJM
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3/3/2008 - 8:22PM
Report Abuse 		We've only been married for 4 months and have been trying to get pregnant since we said "I do." Since then, 4 of my goods friends are pregnant and I'm still not. It's completely frustrating and the fun of it has definately worn off. Every month I feel like it's now or never, especially on those few fertile days.
mamamia
mamamia
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1/10/2008 - 2:47PM
Report Abuse 		Trying is fun for the first month (when you're idealistic) but once you've had a negative pregnancy test and you're worried about it, the fun goes away.
Sangeeta
Sangeeta
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10/16/2007 - 2:31AM
Report Abuse 		Very true.....similar experience with me too...


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