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...he got home from school I confronted him, saying, "I found what you have hidden in your room. I think you need to go and get it, and come back here so we can talk." When he came back into the living room, he didn't have the alcohol. Instead, he was red-faced and carrying a giant bottle of baby oil. I nearly died! I planned on talking about teenage drinking, and, instead, ended up discussing masturbation.
- 01/27/08 02:06 AM
Anonymous
11 replies
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...predict what you're going to face!
- Jan 27 2008, 07:31 PM
...talks about right and wrong. What I think struck us most about this situation was the fact that our son thought that masturbation was a bad thing - in fact, he clearly felt that it was worse than hiding alcohol in his room! It really showed me that, try as I might, I can't always predict how my son is thinking, so keeping the lines of communication open are crucial. And it encouraged my husband and I to be more pro-active about discussing "tough" subjects.
- Feb 3 2008, 12:10 AM
... they have recently ended their relationship and my son refuses to see either of them. He's become very angry and withdrawn. Any advice on how I can help him through this? Should I be encouraging him to visit his father, or let him work through it at his own pace?
- 03/29/08 01:45 PM
Anonymous
4 replies
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... very much, and that didn't change when they split. I would encourage him to visit with both his father and his stepmother, you don't have to force him to see them, but just say "he/she still loves you, and wants to see you, I think you should but it's your choice." Just tell him this a lot, so he gets the idea in his head.
- Mar 29 2008, 02:01 PM
... ready I went to see him. So suggest that he calls his father and stepmother if he doesn't want to go see them.
- Apr 12 2008, 09:36 AM
... missed 3 days last week; she skipped Friday but she doesn't think I know. I'm waiting for her to come around and tell me about it, but I don't think that will happen. She often cries and says everything is going wrong. I'm convinced it's a stage and will go away, but she disagrees. She says she has felt like this since she was young, and has even tried to kill herself. She used to cut, but stopped. She told me she doesn't believe in God and seems to just keep pushing farther and farther away. I think her best friend is controlling her and telling her what to do. Everytime she gets done talking to this friend she seems upset with me. She claims this friend is the only one left keeping her sane. I don't know what is going on! I've asked her if she wants to go to a doctor but she says she doesn't know. Honestly, I don't think I really want her going to a doctor because I don't want her to be put in a hospital or have to take pills. Right now I'm just leaving the situation alone. Please, tell me how to handle her. Do I come over as not caring? Controling? Or even a bad parent? She has said I'm all 3 of those things, and would be better off if she just left because she's not worth my time (She has told me already that she'd take the money from her bank account to buy a plane ticket to her best friends house, where they'd take better care of her). I can see it's mentally wearing her down, she looks sickly because she hardly eats or sleeps anymore (she also claims she is fat and hideous). So what do I do about her?
- 03/20/08 01:26 AM
Anonymous
21 replies
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... not medication. And you too could benefit from professional consultation that might help you come up with strategies for dealing with and helping your child. This isn't going to just go away. You need to DO something. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but if you don't, who will? The situation appears to only be getting worse, so what are you waiting for??
- Mar 20 2008, 01:56 AM
professional for help. You need to decide if she's worth your time...I really hope she is!
- Mar 20 2008, 03:01 AM
... an emergency psych evaluation and put on meds, than to have to plan her funeral and forever think "if only I had done something".
- Mar 20 2008, 08:14 AM
... experience is that the teenage years can be difficult. My 17 year old was admitted to the hosptial for a psych evaluation when she was 15. She, like your daughter, was convinced that she looked "hideous". She would make lists of what was wrong with the way she looked, with things on the list like, "my lips are too thin." She was also going through some rough times and was also very self-critical. It can be very hard on us as parents but remember that you are not alone and many, many teens go through rough patches. Do what you can to get outside help.
- Mar 20 2008, 10:07 AM
... being prescribed medication, you can say that to her therapist (although if the doctor thinks that is the best thing, you should probably leave things in his/her hands). It really sounds like your daughter needs someone to talk to who will understand her and who can act as a an advocate for her. It would be much better that her advocate be a professional who can guide her into healthier ways of thinking than this friend. I know it's scary for you, but you've got to act; she is really crying for help. You may also want to consider seeing a therapist together. Just be brave and seek help. Good luck.
- Mar 20 2008, 10:38 AM
... internet on a daily basis?
- 05/05/08 03:55 PM
Anonymous
9 replies
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... school's website and STI.
- May 5 2008, 06:33 PM
... out fights with there children after each school day. I beleive once your child gets ti high school its there choice to go to class and get good grades. When my kids school calls for stupid reasons lke skipping I dont want to hear it at all, call me if theres an emergency. I do care about my kids grades and hope they do well now to prepare for there future but I also beleive that at that age its time for them to make decisions on there own and if they choose to scew it up then its their problem to deal with the rest of there life.
- May 8 2008, 10:07 AM
... She went to a party tonight, parents were home and one of her friends showed up and had been drinking. My daughter didn't want her driving home so she called me and asked if I could come pick them both up and take her home. I said yes and my daughter said she took her keys. She called me back and was upset cause all the other kids were giving her a hard time about taking her keys and to return them but my daughter stuck by her guns and said no. I showed up and her friend swears that she isn't drunk. I have a breathlizer (long story about that one) but anyway, she blew and registered .10. I told her she wasn't driving and to get in my car. My question is: Obviously many kids had been under the influence, parents are not aware and since my daughter hangs with this group I would like to have a get-together with the other parents to talk about what are kids are doing and how we, as a group, are going to handle it.
I am not a drinker but at that age, I did. I understand that the majority of the kids that age will most likely experiment and drink. My deal is I want to educate them, their parents and how we as a group can help our kids as well as each other by looking out for one anothers kids. But I don't know how to start this, or what tools or programs can help us. I am NOT for underage drinking at all but at the same time, I am not going to be blind to the fact that it may happen. Any suggestions??? My email is Jmaxoz91@yahoo.com
- 03/30/08 02:23 AM
SugarlandMom
10 replies
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responsable one (like a parent) It goes to show you that some kids to listen when parents and teachers talk about the dangers of drinking and diving ect... Its hard as a parent to know what to do if the child is not yours, and how it will affect your child with her peers by going to the other teens parents and presenting this problem. But if it is a regular thing for these other teens it makes me wonder what life is like in there homes if parents aunts or siblings have these problems and its excepted in there house. I would wait and maybe meet these parents and adjust there home life style befor getting to involved and going from there. But on the other hand I would like to add that you sound like a very responsable parent to have gone and picked them up, I see where your daughter got it from. And let her know that no matter what her friends say about her responsability in taking charge is that they can always know that they are alive to this day cause someone has a head on her shoulders.
- Apr 1 2008, 12:37 PM
... a meeting on neutral ground for instance a neighbourhood centre or a parc. Explain why you wanted to talk to them and what concerns you the most. I suggest you pick up some books or newspaper articles that explain the disadvantages of drinking for teenagers. Ask them if they would perhaps talk to their children about the subject. I can understand that some of the parents will think you are attacking their parenting methods - stress your general concern and ask them how they would feel in a situation as at the party you described.
- Apr 5 2008, 11:40 AM
without being the badguy...
- Apr 9 2008, 11:56 PM
... and my one friend are the only ones who dont drink in our group , ive been invited to their parties but i dont go, my parents have raised me well and there is no way i would do that till its legal and still not in excess. but peer pressure can be hard talking to the parents would be good, as often the parents either have no idea, or just dont care, and it might be when they are not there, my friends lie and just say they are going for a sleepover, stupid really. but make sure your daughter sticks to her morals even if she gets teased, some of the things my friends have done are so stupid and all that happens is they feel sick and regret the whole night. I ve been asked why i dont drink and i just reply why do you drink they usually cant come up with an answer that doesnt sound really stupid or which u can think of a really good comeback lol. but i mean seriously they have their whole life ahead of them we are only 17!
hope this has helped
any questions please ask
- Apr 10 2008, 07:45 AM
... that drinking and driving is wrong. I drank as a teen, and so did many of my friends. That's natural experimentation. Obviously it's illegal, and all that, but what the kids need to be taught is responsibility. Your daughter can obviously handle standing up to her friends and doing the right thing and you should be commended. I would suggest contacting MADD (Mothers against drunk drivers), and see if they can't come out and give a presentation. They can bring in a car that has been involved in a collision and show pictures of teens their age that lost their lives or their freedom because of driving drunk. They can pass out the contracts that kids can enter into with their parents that if they've been drinking, that they call for a ride no questions asked. The counselor at school should be a good resource for contact information of programs like that.
- Apr 10 2008, 01:26 PM
...drinking and partying. I didn't want my daughter going to a party where I knew there wasn't going to be supervision and when I called one of the moms to see if she had anymore information about it, she was clueless and whistle blew me and then my child got the teen wrath. I've tried to open a conversation about another mom about all of us keeping an eye out but she told me she trusted her daughter to make the right choices and that she had a more laid back attitude than I did.
Anyone else encountering this?
thanks
B
www.zenmothers.com
- 01/22/08 04:38 PM
happymom2
6 replies
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...seen pictures of her with alcohol, and puking in the toilet, after drinking too much at a party) Yet her mother still fails to know where she is, or who she's with. She doesn't have a license (yet), so I'm not sure how she loses track of her. I am explicitly left out of all decisions regarding her, because I'm not her real parent, and I guess that means I don't love her as much as everybody else.
I'm glad to hear there are actually some "old school" parents out there that are involved in their teens lives, teaching them what is, and is not appropriate behavior for a young lady, or gentleman. There are so few of us left.
- Jan 23 2008, 10:52 AM
defensive. I think they know it's nearing the time the chickens come home to roost and are distancing themselves in denial -- they insist their children never lie, or check out internet porn, or drink or do drugs, etc because it makes them feel better about their parenting, and until evidence bites them on the nose, they are going to pretend it's all fine...and that only OTHER kids (i.e. the ones with bad parents, unlike their children) are doing those things.) i know families that interact like this even though the "kids" are in their 30s and 40s -- they don't really know each other and don't want to, just want to put on a shiny happy veneer.
- Mar 22 2008, 04:22 AM
... married, and had a kid my mom just went 'auto pilot' with my sister. She's snuck out of the house through her bedroom window at night going God knows where and with God knows who doing God knows what too many times to count, and ONE time my mom caught her coming back from her little nightly escapade and my mom was just like "I don't want to know." and then just took her cell phone away for two weeks. I try my hardest to tell my mom what my sister's doing and try to get her to do something about it because my sister's on a horrible road that will lead to destruction if not dealt with, but my mom just turns a blind eye and just tells me "I don't want to know." It sickens me. I'm more in the 'know' about my sister than my mother is. I'm glad she wasn't like that with me when I was growing up.. I'm a better person now because of it.. and I always thought twice before doing anything 'bad' because I knew I would 'get it' if my mom found out. My sister has no consequences for her actions so she runs rampant. I see this with tons of parents with teens today.. and people wonder why the world is getting the way it is. No discipline. People are just not caring. And by God when my son Vincent gets to be a teenager I -will- know where he'll be, what he'll be doing, who he'll be doing it with and what time he'll be coming home. And he WILL be home at that time. I'll probably be considered a mean, nosy parent, but Vincent will come out to be such a better person because of it, and he may not realize it then, but it'll hit him. Just like it did me.
- Mar 22 2008, 11:50 AM
... is, then she'll know better, but know that if you restrict her too much, she'll only do it behind your back b/c is normal curiosity.
- Apr 29 2008, 12:37 AM
... year old daughter! But im so happy to have her and i love her! Bad things can happen when teens go to partys like what happend to me
- May 1 2008, 06:13 PM
... saw them passing around a piece of paper and laughing. When I came home from work, I found that piece of paper lying on the table. This isn't unusual. Often I will find books, paper and other things lying around the house, waiting to be tidied up.
The drawing wasn't that bad. It was the content that shocked me. A police officer and a blonde man with big glasses are standing in an apartment. Between them is a couch with a bloody severed arm on it. The officer is pointing to the arm. His speech bubble says: "Mr. Dahmer, do care to explain why there is a severed arm lying on your furniture?" The blonde guy, who must be Jeffrey Dahmer, says: "Haven't you heard about the 2nd Amendment? Every American citizen has the right to keep and bear arms."
In big letters, was written the title, Jeffrey Dahmer and the Second Amendment. My daughter has mentioned Dahmer a few times before. Should I be worried about this?
- 03/28/08 06:22 PM
GinaF
9 replies
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... probably positive) for kids to think about that stuff, especially when they're showing verbal dexterity not fear. FWIW, when my kids play Operation they call it Autopsy, and they the game of Life they call Death and reword all the squares. I think it's pretty clever.
- Mar 29 2008, 02:27 AM
... just don't let it get out of hand.
- Mar 29 2008, 07:39 AM
... like an intelligent teen.
- Mar 29 2008, 11:21 PM
... educational (the amendments).
- Apr 5 2008, 03:57 PM
... into any of his top choices, and I have a friend whose daughter didn't get into ANY of the 12 schools she applied to. It's crazy!
- 04/30/08 12:55 PM
Elizabeth
0 replies
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... menu bar and choose "Local", you can search by your city and your sons age for all kinds of activities, including Day Camps. I've heard it's a fantastic feature, and just wish that my city was large enough to be listed or close enough to one that was. I hope you find what you're looking for!
- Apr 30 2008, 12:29 PM
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