Teen

responsable one (like a parent) It goes to show you that some kids to listen when parents and teachers talk about the dangers of drinking and diving ect... Its hard as a parent to know what to do if the child is not yours, and how it will affect your child with her peers by going to the other teens parents and presenting this problem. But if it is a regular thing for these other teens it makes me wonder what life is like in there homes if parents aunts or siblings have these problems and its excepted in there house. I would wait and maybe meet these parents and adjust there home life style befor getting to involved and going from there. But on the other hand I would like to add that you sound like a very responsable parent to have gone and picked them up, I see where your daughter got it from. And let her know that no matter what her friends say about her responsability in taking charge is that they can always know that they are alive to this day cause someone has a head on her shoulders.

... a meeting on neutral ground for instance a neighbourhood centre or a parc. Explain why you wanted to talk to them and what concerns you the most. I suggest you pick up some books or newspaper articles that explain the disadvantages of drinking for teenagers. Ask them if they would perhaps talk to their children about the subject. I can understand that some of the parents will think you are attacking their parenting methods - stress your general concern and ask them how they would feel in a situation as at the party you described.

without being the badguy...

... and my one friend are the only ones who dont drink in our group , ive been invited to their parties but i dont go, my parents have raised me well and there is no way i would do that till its legal and still not in excess. but peer pressure can be hard talking to the parents would be good, as often the parents either have no idea, or just dont care, and it might be when they are not there, my friends lie and just say they are going for a sleepover, stupid really. but make sure your daughter sticks to her morals even if she gets teased, some of the things my friends have done are so stupid and all that happens is they feel sick and regret the whole night. I ve been asked why i dont drink and i just reply why do you drink they usually cant come up with an answer that doesnt sound really stupid or which u can think of a really good comeback lol. but i mean seriously they have their whole life ahead of them we are only 17!
hope this has helped
any questions please ask

... that drinking and driving is wrong. I drank as a teen, and so did many of my friends. That's natural experimentation. Obviously it's illegal, and all that, but what the kids need to be taught is responsibility. Your daughter can obviously handle standing up to her friends and doing the right thing and you should be commended. I would suggest contacting MADD (Mothers against drunk drivers), and see if they can't come out and give a presentation. They can bring in a car that has been involved in a collision and show pictures of teens their age that lost their lives or their freedom because of driving drunk. They can pass out the contracts that kids can enter into with their parents that if they've been drinking, that they call for a ride no questions asked. The counselor at school should be a good resource for contact information of programs like that.

...seen pictures of her with alcohol, and puking in the toilet, after drinking too much at a party) Yet her mother still fails to know where she is, or who she's with. She doesn't have a license (yet), so I'm not sure how she loses track of her. I am explicitly left out of all decisions regarding her, because I'm not her real parent, and I guess that means I don't love her as much as everybody else.
I'm glad to hear there are actually some "old school" parents out there that are involved in their teens lives, teaching them what is, and is not appropriate behavior for a young lady, or gentleman. There are so few of us left.

defensive. I think they know it's nearing the time the chickens come home to roost and are distancing themselves in denial -- they insist their children never lie, or check out internet porn, or drink or do drugs, etc because it makes them feel better about their parenting, and until evidence bites them on the nose, they are going to pretend it's all fine...and that only OTHER kids (i.e. the ones with bad parents, unlike their children) are doing those things.) i know families that interact like this even though the "kids" are in their 30s and 40s -- they don't really know each other and don't want to, just want to put on a shiny happy veneer.

... married, and had a kid my mom just went 'auto pilot' with my sister. She's snuck out of the house through her bedroom window at night going God knows where and with God knows who doing God knows what too many times to count, and ONE time my mom caught her coming back from her little nightly escapade and my mom was just like "I don't want to know." and then just took her cell phone away for two weeks. I try my hardest to tell my mom what my sister's doing and try to get her to do something about it because my sister's on a horrible road that will lead to destruction if not dealt with, but my mom just turns a blind eye and just tells me "I don't want to know." It sickens me. I'm more in the 'know' about my sister than my mother is. I'm glad she wasn't like that with me when I was growing up.. I'm a better person now because of it.. and I always thought twice before doing anything 'bad' because I knew I would 'get it' if my mom found out. My sister has no consequences for her actions so she runs rampant. I see this with tons of parents with teens today.. and people wonder why the world is getting the way it is. No discipline. People are just not caring. And by God when my son Vincent gets to be a teenager I -will- know where he'll be, what he'll be doing, who he'll be doing it with and what time he'll be coming home. And he WILL be home at that time. I'll probably be considered a mean, nosy parent, but Vincent will come out to be such a better person because of it, and he may not realize it then, but it'll hit him. Just like it did me.

... is, then she'll know better, but know that if you restrict her too much, she'll only do it behind your back b/c is normal curiosity.

... year old daughter! But im so happy to have her and i love her! Bad things can happen when teens go to partys like what happend to me

... What does that teach them that we want them to learn?? Not not to talk back, that's for sure. Having said that, I'm not saying there's some simple new agey answer or judging your parenting. I just think it's a matter of looking at your long-term goals as a parent (for example, raising a happy, healthy child) and investing in the long-term strategies that will achieve that -- no quick fixes, like smacking your kids into shutting up. I'm talking about teaching values, respect -- and practicing it. Not saying it's easy, just that it might WORK. And it is work. And changes aren't likely overnight.

her b/c she will just yell back then someones fellings will end up getting hurt...if you take away her phone..what if she leaves doesnt say where shes going && you cant get hold of her that would scare you to death..so dont do that or if she leaves give it back to her... the computer is a good thing to do b/c she will be bored..but then again take away the tv ALSO but key thing dont yell back she will wonder why you didnt and think about things....it will get better maybe shes having a best friend prob or boy prob

hurt. I felt then she didn't listen to me as she could only see what she wanted for me not what i wanted. i think maybe asking her to sit down with you and talk about it mught work. Tell her how it makes you feel and how your mom makes it hard for you (be honest) and ask her why she gets so upset and what she thinks you can do together to sort it out... then really listen and take action.

of times. But sometimes, you just need to show whose boss in the old fashioned way. She thinks she's smarter than you. Does she correct you and then say "DUH MOM"? If she does, she talked back to you and you need to put her in her proper place. I am telling you in experience. I make principal's list in school and I am not a very.......mmm I'm not what youd consider "perdect". but yeah a good beating told me my place and I still love my mom and she still loves me.

... not medication. And you too could benefit from professional consultation that might help you come up with strategies for dealing with and helping your child. This isn't going to just go away. You need to DO something. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but if you don't, who will? The situation appears to only be getting worse, so what are you waiting for??

professional for help. You need to decide if she's worth your time...I really hope she is!

... an emergency psych evaluation and put on meds, than to have to plan her funeral and forever think "if only I had done something".

... experience is that the teenage years can be difficult. My 17 year old was admitted to the hosptial for a psych evaluation when she was 15. She, like your daughter, was convinced that she looked "hideous". She would make lists of what was wrong with the way she looked, with things on the list like, "my lips are too thin." She was also going through some rough times and was also very self-critical. It can be very hard on us as parents but remember that you are not alone and many, many teens go through rough patches. Do what you can to get outside help.

... being prescribed medication, you can say that to her therapist (although if the doctor thinks that is the best thing, you should probably leave things in his/her hands). It really sounds like your daughter needs someone to talk to who will understand her and who can act as a an advocate for her. It would be much better that her advocate be a professional who can guide her into healthier ways of thinking than this friend. I know it's scary for you, but you've got to act; she is really crying for help. You may also want to consider seeing a therapist together. Just be brave and seek help. Good luck.